File puptcrit/puptcrit.0811, message 69


To: <puptcrit-AT-puptcrit.org>
Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2008 23:26:19 -0500
Subject: Re: [Puptcrit] Why are people so mean?


Hi Mark.
Sorry you went through that ordeal.

I hate it when people do that.
It's stupid, it's unfair, and it's uncalled for. Yet, they do it.
And what can we do about it, especially when we are hired for a gig?

The worst part, is that we often feel we can't do a thing about it, for fear 
of aggravating the situation, or bringing about more grief, and perhaps even 
lose a future contract.  Still sometimes I think we should tell it to their 
face, because if nobody stops them in their tracks, these people will keep 
up that pattern and it will get worse. Bullies! Can't live with them, 
period!

Can we share some ways of dealing with such behaviors and people?
I'm very curious about what different people do (or wish they could do).
The examples can be interesting wether they really happened or if they are 
just "emergency plans".


My contribution:

And at least, when we do say something, we get the satisfaction of having 
had the guts to put them in their place. Of a usually accomodating nature 
myself, I remember fondly the one time I gave a "moral speech" to a despotic 
employer, right after giving my resignation, which was my reply to a 
particularly nasty insult. I was unstoppable, my voice was clear, I was 
polite and I didn't raise my tone. She was so flabbergasted her jaw was 
frozen open, speechless for 20 minutes. Nobody talks to her that way, she's 
mean and scary. That single moment in time is a shining beacon for me, as at 
that moment, I proved that "enough is enough". I never let anyone bully me 
in any workplace after that. When I visited the store again some months 
later, she greeted me with all the curtesy befitting a king, and showed me 
around the improvements made to the store. She hadn't changed. Still the 
despotic two-faced bully that can appear like a civilized person.

A local colleague just had such a parasite attack her today. It was a very 
stupid and unreasonnable complaint, yet it was so vehement and sudden, in 
such an inappropriate moment , that she was taken aback and it hurt her 
deeply enough to make her cry. In normal times, she would have put that diva 
woman right back in her place, but she was caught by surpise and shock. My 
colleague is a loving and giving person, who doesn't deserve to be treated 
that way.

My belief is that those people who attack find some kind of nasty sadistic 
pleasure in it, or maybe some sort of temporary boost from their 
self-loathing nature. Whatever it may be, whatever their background, there 
are NO attenuating circumstances in their defense. They are wrong. They 
decide to act thus, and they should face the consequences. Bullies come in 
many forms, and they rarely stop being bullies by their own volition.
We should show no tolerance. From the start.




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