Date: Thu, 13 May 1999 15:27:27 -0400
From: Chuck0 <chuck-AT-tao.ca>
Subject: How many anarchy-list subscribers to does it take to change a light 


Some classic lore from this list...

==========How many anarchy-list subscribers to does it take to change
a light bulb?

1,666

1 person to notice that the hard drive light is burned out on Jack's
computer. 

13 people to make generalizations about how changing society would mean
that in the future, problems like the burned-out bulbs
wouldn't exist. 

1 person to re-open the debate about how light bulbs are made from
animal materials and thus are unanarchistic. This person also
would say that guns should be banned because they can be used to shoot
small cuddly animals. 

1 former small-town politician to regale the list on his hunting
experiences and how guns and light bulbs are good things. 

1 son of a CIA-agent to say that greenhouse warming doesn't exist and
that the burned-out bulb has no environmental effect. He will
cite an article from a LaRouchite paper he found in his college's
student cafeteria. This person then sends 145 messages with
press accounts about lightbulbs in police cars that he may have
destroyed. 

1 person to send out flame bait about the light bulb issue. 

130 people who respond to the flame bait and quote previous messages in
their entirety, with only a one line addition appended.
These posts will all include sig lines longer than the responses. 

6 people to propose that a FAQ on the Proper Anarchist Way to Change
Light Bulbs be written. 

560 people to send requests on how to find "The Lightbulb Cookbook." 

670 to send unsubscribe messages saying that the traffic about
lightbulbs is too much. 

45 drunken students to post weird ramblings with no relation to any of
the threads. 

1 rosaphilia to post 65 KB forwarded messages about conspiracy theories
and light bulbs. 

19 spammers to send messages about products entirely unrelated to
lightbulbs, anarchy, guns, or police cars. 

3 A-infos posts to inform the world on the lightbulb debate. 

16 folks who send messages quoting great anarchist lightbulb thinkers
out of context. 

18 immature boys to make accusations that other list members do weird
sexual things with lightbulbs. 

2 people to send out emails about punk benefit shows in Ohio that will
raise money for the new light bulb. 

1 wise guy/gal to start a flame thread if organizing around the
lightbulb situation is an example of "lifestylism." 

356 to post follow-up to the lifestylism debate, asserting that the
lightbulb is important to revolutionary politics. 

20 newbies to crosspost the entire thread to 15 other lists, including 6
secret, members-only ones, and 45 newsgroups including
alt.talk.lightbulb, alt.revolution.change.lightbulb,
alt.politics.chomsky, alt.worship.trotsky, soc.guns.fuzzy,
alt.conspiracy.westinghouse, and alt.libertarian.scientology. 

1 person to ponder the origins of the black lightbulb and its various
meanings through history. 

65 anarchos to discuss how they were first introduced to the anarchist
way of lightbulb changin'. 

4 frustrated anarchists to urge that we get anarchists "organized" on
this issue. 

89 people to discuss whether or not anarchists should change the
lightbulb like they do at McDonalds. 

222 well-read anti-authoritarians to suggest book titles for further
reading on this important topic. 

3 anarchist librarians to make sure that all the debate about the
lighbulb situation is archived and properly indexed, so that future
scholars can look back and ponder what all the commotion was about. 

1 list-maintainer to go out to the electronics store to buy a new bulb. 

and of course: 

3 luddite neo-primitivists to fashion a raft out of junk, float across
the Atlantic, locate Jack's computer, and smash the new bulb to pieces. 

Note: The numbers don't add up to the answer given above because math is
relative. Those who maintain that mathematics gives
exact answers are pretentious, elitist academic wankers.