Date: Wed, 19 May 1999 18:04:47 -0400 (EDT) From: rosaphil <rugosa-AT-interport.net> Subject: Re: FW: Contemporary Sarcasmic Gems (fwd) feel free to use them in your cv, therapy session, answering machine, silk-screen t-shirt run, draft-avoidance interview, entrance to graduate school application, video-date promo, bowling league motto, mailbox decoration. i have and yer all my good friends on acount! +********** Snail me yer rosehips if you liked this post! ************ *Better Living Thru Better Living!* http://www.interport.net/~rugosa * > 1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. > 2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. > 3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? > 4. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth. > 5. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. > 6. Do I look like a freakin' people person? > 7. This isn't an office-It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. > 8. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. > 9. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. > 10. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time. > 11. If I throw a stick, will you leave? > 12. You! Off my planet! > 13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose. > 14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of > self-control. > 15. Bottomless pit of needs & wants. > 16. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes. > 17. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way! > 18. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes > on my cat. > 19. Does your train of thought have a caboose? > 21. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? > 22. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. > 24. Let me show you how the guards used to do it. > 25. And just how may I screw you over today? > 26. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? > 27. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. > 28. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil... > 29. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. > 30. A PBS mind in an MTV world. > 31. Yeah, right! Like I'm going to put that icky thing in my mouth. > 32. Allow me to introduce my selves. > 33. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. > 34. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you." > 35. Better living through denial. > 36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. > 37. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after > them. > 38. Adult child of alien invaders. > 39. Do they ever shut up on your planet? > 40. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. > 41. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. > 42. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. > 43. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. > 44. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. > 45. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't > fallen asleep yet. > 46. Mall whore: I can suck the numbers right off your credit cards. > 47. After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs? > 48. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes? > 49. Back off! You're standing in my aura. > 50. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. > 51. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too! > 52. Adults are just kids who owe money. > 53. One of us is thinking about sex..... OK, it's me. > 54. How many times do I have to flush before you go away? > 55. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave > the house? > 56. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? > 57. It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me. > 58. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor. > 59. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing. > 60. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? > 61. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you! > 62. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong. > 63. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? > 64. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. > 65. Too may freaks, not enough circuses. > 66. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. > 67. A woman's favorite position is CEO. > 68. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. > 69. You look like shit. Is that the style now? > 70. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the > earth. > 71. Earth is full. Go home. > 72. Is it time for your medication or mine? > 73. Does this condom make me look fat? > 74. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch > me? > 75. I plead contemporary insanity. > 76. And which dwarf are you? > 77. I refuse to star in your psychodrama. > 78. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. > 79. How do I set a laser printer to stun? > 80. It ain't the size, it's..... no wait-it IS the size. > 81. Meandering to a different drummer. > 82. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. > 83. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go? > > * * * * * * * > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > -AT-Backup - The #1 Online Backup Service > Automatic, Safe, Reliable Backup and Restores. FREE for > 30 Days. INSTALL Now and have a chance to win a Palm Pilot V! > http://clickhere.egroups.com/click/218 > > eGroup home: http://www.eGroups.com/group/bi-women > http://www.eGroups.com - Simplifying group communications -- Web page: http://hometown.aol.com/leslie3532/lesliepage.htm ICQ# 3851159 AOL: Leslie3532 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -AT-Backup - The #1 Online Backup Service Automatic, Safe, Reliable Backup and Restores. FREE for 30 Days. INSTALL Now and have a chance to win a Palm Pilot V! http://clickhere.egroups.com/click/218 eGroups.com home: http://www.egroups.com/group/bi-women http://www.egroups.com - Simplifying group communications
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