File spoon-archives/anarchy-list.archive/anarchy-list_1999/anarchy-list.9910, message 503


From: "Andy" <As-AT-spelthorne.ac.uk>
Date: Fri, 22 Oct 1999 10:38:15 +0000
Subject: (Fwd) world cup


On the subject of national characteristics........


------- Forwarded message follows -------
From:           	"Ken Jones" <kj-AT-spelthorne.ac.uk>
Organization:   	SPELTHORNE COLLEGE
To:             	as.office.spelthorne-AT-SPELTHORNE.AC.UK
Date sent:      	Thu, 21 Oct 1999 07:45:30 +0000
Subject:        	world cup
Priority:       	normal

      Seeing how the All Blacks were motivated by performing "The 
>Haka"
> >         before their world cup games, the other nations were 
asked to
> >         suggest  pre-match rituals of their own.
> >
> >
> >         The England team will chat about the weather, wave 
hankies in 
>the
> >         air  and attach bells to their ankles for a while before 
moaning
> >         about how they invented the game, and gave it to the 
world, and
>how
> >         it's not fair that everyone can beat them now.
> >
> >
> >         The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" 
before
> >         smashing  an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads.
> >
> >
> >         The Ireland team will spilt into two, with the Southern half
> >         performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the
> >         Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via
>their
> >         opponents dressing room.
> >
> >
> >         Unfortunately the Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by 
the RSPCA.
> >
> >
> >         Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of 
opposition
> >         territory claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and 
then be
> >         forceably removed by the Stewards.
> >
> >
> >         Two members of the South African team will claim to be 
more
> >         important than the other thirteen whom they will coral 
between
>the
> >         posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
> >
> >
> >         The Americans will not be there until half time. In future 
years
> >         they  will alter the records to show that they were in fact 
the
> >         most important team in the tournament and Hollywood 
will make a
> >         film called "Saving  No8 Lyle".
> >
> >
> >         Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and 
hold the
> >         rest of the side to ransom.
> >
> >
> >         The Italian team will arrive in red penis substituting cars,
> >         sexually harass the female stewards and then run away.
> >
> >
> >         The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch 
mow it
>and
> >         then claim that it was all in line with the European "grass
> >         quotas". They   will then curl up under the posts and have 
a kip
> >         until half time.
> >
> >
> >         The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by 
offering
>good
> >         salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then 
run
> >         around the pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner
>before
> >         buying the ground (with a subsidy from the UK 
Government).
> >
> >
> >         The French will declare they have new scientific evidence 
that
>the
> >         opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries
>across
> >         the halfway line, let sheep lose in the opposition half and 
burn
> >         the officials.
> >
> >
> >         The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating 
lucrative
> >         singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite 
their
> >         mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush 
before 
>beating
> >         up all the women on the touchline
> >
------- End of forwarded message -------


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