From: "Andy" <As-AT-spelthorne.ac.uk> Date: Fri, 22 Oct 1999 10:38:15 +0000 Subject: (Fwd) world cup On the subject of national characteristics........ ------- Forwarded message follows ------- From: "Ken Jones" <kj-AT-spelthorne.ac.uk> Organization: SPELTHORNE COLLEGE To: as.office.spelthorne-AT-SPELTHORNE.AC.UK Date sent: Thu, 21 Oct 1999 07:45:30 +0000 Subject: world cup Priority: normal Seeing how the All Blacks were motivated by performing "The >Haka" > > before their world cup games, the other nations were asked to > > suggest pre-match rituals of their own. > > > > > > The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in >the > > air and attach bells to their ankles for a while before moaning > > about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and >how > > it's not fair that everyone can beat them now. > > > > > > The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before > > smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads. > > > > > > The Ireland team will spilt into two, with the Southern half > > performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the > > Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via >their > > opponents dressing room. > > > > > > Unfortunately the Welsh suggestion has been vetoed by the RSPCA. > > > > > > Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition > > territory claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be > > forceably removed by the Stewards. > > > > > > Two members of the South African team will claim to be more > > important than the other thirteen whom they will coral between >the > > posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves. > > > > > > The Americans will not be there until half time. In future years > > they will alter the records to show that they were in fact the > > most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a > > film called "Saving No8 Lyle". > > > > > > Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the > > rest of the side to ransom. > > > > > > The Italian team will arrive in red penis substituting cars, > > sexually harass the female stewards and then run away. > > > > > > The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch mow it >and > > then claim that it was all in line with the European "grass > > quotas". They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip > > until half time. > > > > > > The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering >good > > salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run > > around the pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner >before > > buying the ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government). > > > > > > The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that >the > > opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries >across > > the halfway line, let sheep lose in the opposition half and burn > > the officials. > > > > > > The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative > > singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite their > > mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush before >beating > > up all the women on the touchline > > ------- End of forwarded message ------- _as
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