Date: Sun, 30 Apr 2000 02:43:13 -0700
From: Joan Norman <defender-AT-firstworld.net>
Subject: Starhawk's healing message to the DC Jailbirds


Hi Everyone of us who went to jail in DC!!  This is Starhawks's
wonderful
message of love and healing to each of us!!

Love and Hugs
Joan


Hi all--here's something I wrote to help those getting out of jail. 
Please feel free to post it on the A16 list--or anywhere--and to
send it on to anyone you think might find it helpful,  Thanks, love
you all, you're awesome! Starhawk

Coming Out of Jail Stronger
By Starhawk

Dear sisters and brothers from the A16 action:

This is for all of us, but especially for those of you who have been
through a hard and brutalizing jail experience.  I was inspired to
write this after hearing from one friend that hešs been depressed,
weepy and angry at all his friends since getting back from jail.

In doing our action, wešve stood up against the greatest forces of
political, economic and social control on the planet.  We have acted
with great courage and restraint in the face of many forms of
violence directed against us. Those who were arrested have been
subjected to a brutal and controlling system that can wound us
deeply if we are
not forewarned.

In the many times Išve been to jail, here are some of the
overwhelming responses Išve noticed in myself and which you might be
experiencing:

Rage:  Jail is simply the distilled form of the larger violence
around us. Anger is a sane and healthy response, but you may find it
deflected onto your friends and families instead of directed to the
systems of oppression wešre fighting. Warn your friends and
coworkers to tread gently and not order you around for a while.  Be
prepared for flashes of rage, and try to remember whom wešre really
angry at.

Self-Blame: Youšve been in a system designed on every level to make
you feel bad, wrong, inadequate and powerless.  The men and women
who run it are experts in psychological manipulation and
intimidation.  They spend a lifetime developing their techniques‹you
had at most a few hours training in how to resist them.
    When youšre in jail, youšre constantly faced with decisions to
be made with inadequate information under conditions of fear and
exhaustion.  You may make mistakes.  You may end up complying when
you later wish youšd resisted, or failing to act when you think you
should have.  You may make decisions you later regret.
    Try not to blame yourselves.  One of the ways the system
functions is to keep us focused on what we, individually, did or
didnšt do instead of on the violence of the system itself.  Self
blame is the way we take the violence of the system in, and beat
ourselves up instead of making the guards and marshalls do their own
dirty work.  And it rapidly turns into blame of each other, becoming
a force to divide us and cut us off from the very support we need.

Difficult Re-entry:  Itšs hard to go back to regular life after the
intensity of an action.  Itšs hard to go home to a lonely apartment
after the strong community wešve felt in the action and in jail. 

Itšs hard to go back to a school, a job, or to any institution that
suddenly seems like a softer-edged version of the jail.  And
everything suddenly does look like a version of jail‹a system of
punishment and control.
    You may find yourselves tired, depressed, unable to take
pleasure in things you usually enjoy, vicariously experiencing the
sufferings of all the oppressed and dispossessed.  Food may seem
tasteless, work or studies meaningless.  You may lose things, get
confused, and have difficulty functioning.

    These are common human responses to loss, trauma and stress. 
They are not a sign of your personal weakness or inadequacy.  Here
are a few things that can help:  

Talk About It:  Ideally with the others who were with you, with your
affinity group or with someone else who has been through a similar
experience.  If thatšs not possible, find a friend who is willing to
lend a sympathetic ear, or a counselor.  You need to tell your
story, sometimes over and over and over again.

Rest:  Wešve all put out a phenomenal amount of energy.  Sleep. 
Take yourself out into a natural environment with trees and green
plants.  Lie on the ground.  Restore your energy.

Cleanse:   Do something physical and symbolic to release the
energies of the jail.  Take a shower and scrub with epsom salts,
bathe in the ocean or a running stream, wash your clothes.  Do it
with the conscious intention of letting go of the jail energy, of
emerging renewed.

Renew:  If you have a spiritual practice, now is the time to
intensify it. If you donšt resonate with spirituality, take time for
what does inspire you and feed you, whether itšs the forests, music,
or the company of friends.

Learn:  Youšve just received a priceless educational experience. 
You now know more about the underlying workings of the system we are
fighting.

Youšve had a small taste of the violence and repression experienced
every day by the poor, by people of color, by those who end up in
jail without the support of an action and a media team.    You will
never
be the same person you were before this action.

Honor yourself:  And all of us for the courage, strength, and
commitment wešve shown in taking action, for the movement we are
building together, for the ways wešve listened to one another and
struggled with our differences and already changed the world.  Išm 
deeply, deeply proud to have been part of this action, and to be in
a
movement that contains such brave, committed and caring people.

Carry it On:  Rage can be an energizing force.  So can love. As hard
as a jail experience can be, it can also be empowering.  We can come
out of it stronger than we went in.  What wešve learned from this
action
can move us into the next phase as we build the movement that will
transform the world.

Love to you all,

Starhawk