Subject: [FW:] AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE SOCIETY FOR THE PRESERVATION: THE 
Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2002 11:08:32 +1100



> AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE SOCIETY FOR THE PRESERVATION
> OF OBSCURE POLITICAL SECTS:
> 
>      Congratulations on the adoption of your new Maoist ! Even though your
> 
> new Maoist was a stray rather than one adopted from our shelter it is 
> certain to give you endless hours of amusement should you treat it as the 
> source of fun that it is. We and our sister organization, the Society for 
> the Preservation of Obscure Religious Sects, believe that no arguments of 
> sanity, ethics nor intelligence should prevent the thinking anarchist from
> 
> attempting to preserve the diversity of warped views of reality.
> Salmonella 
> bacteria, Ebola virus, various tapeworms: all have their place in things, 
> even if only as the subject of bad jokes. Thus we hope that we can provide
> 
> you with some tips that may make Maoist ownership both more entertaining
> and 
> more educational for you and your family.
> 
> THE ORIGIN OF THE DOMESTIC MAOIST.
> 
>      Modern evolutionary biologists believe that the genus Maomouthicus 
> descended from extinct and relatively intelligent members of the 
> Marxosociodemocratica family.Under primitive living conditions the
> subfamily 
> Leninomurderica lost most of its higher intellectual functions, but 
> compensated for this by the devlopment of low cunning and a particularily 
> ferocious tendency to devastate other species. Reliable evidence supports 
> the popular conception that members of this subfamily are the most
> ferocious 
> animals to ever walk the Earth. The Russian branch of the family
> reportedly 
> killed four to five times as many prey animals as the central European 
> Fascitica germanica. Reports from East Asia would indicate that
> Maomouticus 
> was almost an order of magnitude more predatory than its steppe cousin.
>      Rest assured, however, that your domestic Maoist is actually a
> harmless 
> creature, bearing about as much relationship to the declining wild 
> populations mentioned above as Felis domesticus does to a sabertooth
> tiger. 
> Decades of scientific breeding in the social science departments of
> Western 
> Universities have indeed produced a creature that is all bark and no bite 
> providing that the owner of a Maoist recognizes the nature of the beast. 
> Repeated studies have demonstrated the inability of the domestic Maoist to
> 
> breed and reproduce to any significant extent amongst the fauna in most 
> known ecosystems. This does NOT mean that your pet Maoist should be
> allowed 
> to "go feral" as many cases of attacks on other domestic animals such the 
> much beloved "galloping trots" have been recorded. Your pet may also be a 
> great danger to itself if allowed to follow its natural inclination to 
> attempt matings with the very numerous species Proletaria hornyhandica.
> From 
> past experience and the intricate communication system developed by this 
> species- such as reports of the extinction of East European and Asian 
> populations of Proletaria, often related to populations found locally-
> this 
> species has developed a natural wariness of Maomoutica, even in its tamed 
> variety. It is very likely to view the mating attempts of Maomouthica as a
> 
> preliminary to rape and perhaps even post-copulatory devouring of the
> mate. 
> Proletaria also appears to have a natural aversion to the loud and 
> repetitive vocalizations of Maomoutica. Surveys have determined that the 
> common opinion amongst members of the Proletaria genus is that such
> auditory 
> display is evidence of something called "being nuts". Proletaria is likely
> 
> to respond with aggressive actions meant to drive off what they view as a 
> dangerous animal. Your pet Maoist could be grieviously injured if you
> allow 
> it to roam free!!
>      Scientific research sponsored by both our society and the Society for
> 
> the Preservation of Obscure Religious Sects has demonstrated that their
> and 
> our objects of interest are related, and most biologists presently place 
> them in the same Phylum - Personalcompensaticum. The ecology of this
> Phylum 
> is still under investigation, and great disagreements appear in the 
> literature about what ecological niche they have evolved to fill. Some 
> researchers believe that all members of this phylum live an essentially 
> parasitic life and should be renamed with something more appropriate than 
> the accepted name. Others point out that the dietary habits of many
> species 
> represented in this branch are often cannabalistic or that the favoured
> prey 
> consists of closely related species. They also draw notice to the bizarre 
> behavior of many species that seems to serve no obvious reproductive nor 
> food acquisition function and is, in fact, usually counterproductive to
> such 
> normal animal goals. These workers advance the theory that members of this
> 
> Phylum are a evolutionary dead-end, that they represent an example of 
> "over-adaption", with unique neurological "adaptions"  that may indeed 
> provide a challenge to the very theory of natural selection.
>      Accepted wisdom is that the sub-phylum "Politica" is a direct
> decendant 
> of the classical "Religiousa", a much more numerous  and ornate group of 
> animals. While the object of your affection and our study and attempts at 
> preservation may indeed be less showy than its better known cousins the 
> study of these endangered animals provides unique rewards. We at the
> Society 
> believe that the behavior of the domestic Maoist, and all the species that
> 
> we attempt to preserve, is a source of hilarity only found from ownership
> of 
> one of these pets. We have no desire to attempt to reintroduce this animal
> 
> to the wild, and we therefore recommend that you present your new pet to a
> 
> licensed veterinary surgeon so that the proper course of action can be 
> followed.
>      As we mentioned the domestic Maoist is essentially a product of the 
> modern University system. We regret to say that our academic colleagues
> have 
> to all intents and purposes abandoned the breeding and rearing of this 
> wonderful animal. While we will not dispute that the calls of such species
> 
> as the Decontructofeministica postmodernia may indeed be fascinating we,
> as 
> non-academics, will never cease to be thrilled by the song of the domestic
> 
> Maoist. Many amateur naturalists have reported that this species can even 
> produce crude grammatical strings of words that resemble normal language. 
> Such abilities are essentially unknown amongst the present objects of 
> academic study. We don't mean that the domestic Maoist is a "little
> human". 
> As we will explain the well known deceptive behavior of this animal should
> 
> disabuse the pet owner of any such illusion. But that is no reason not to 
> enjoy the antics of this animal.
>      If academia cannot do it, we can do it !!!!! Our work of preservation
> 
> of obscure political sects is important, and we are happy to have you join
> 
> us as a "Maoist enjoyer". Please stay tuned to this website for further
> tips 
> on the training, feeding and housing of Maoists. Our exciting weekly 
> bulletins will include such wonderful trivia as "verbal diarrhea - 
> veterinary instructions on what to do with the collected works of Stalin",
> 
> "Maoist jokes - good and bad", "Trots and Maos- are they natural enemies
> or 
> can they live in one household"  and much, much more.
>      We would also like to announce our new internet contest. Please reply
> 
> with your best answer to the question, "how many Maoists does it take to 
> screw in a lightbulb?". The lucky winner will win an all-expense paid trip
> 
> to beautiful Cambodia. Special consideration will be given to any 
> "intellectuals" who wear glasses.
>      Kep smailing and stay tuned.