From: "Heather Glaisyer" <heather-AT-teknopunx.co.uk>
Subject: Re: new US law on israel (or carp's need to feel special)
Date: Sat, 5 Oct 2002 17:23:47 +0100


Good grief-someone on the -AT--list with the bad taste to write in caps? what
will be next?-I feel the urge to post  this-been around a while, but I doubt
if Maladump has read it.........

Welcome to the Internet.............
No one here likes you.


We're going to offend, insult, abuse, and belittle the
living hell out of
you.  And when you rail against us with "FUCK YOU YOU
GEEK WIMP SKATER GOTH
LOSER PUNK FAG BITCH!1!!", we smile to ourselves.  We
laugh at you because
you don't get it.  Then we turn up the heat, hoping to
draw more
entertainment from your irrational fuming.


We will judge you, and we will find you unworthy.  It
is a trial by fire,
and we won't even think about turning down the flames
until you finally
understand.


Some of you are smart enough to realize that, when you
go online, it's like
entering a foreign country ...  and you know better
than to ignorantly fuck
with the locals.  You take the time to listen and
think before speaking.
You learn, and by learning are gladly welcomed.


For some of you, it takes a while, then one day it all
dawns on you - you
get it, and are welcomed into the fold.


Some of you give up, and we breathe a sigh of relief -
we didn't want you
here anyway.  And some of you just never get it.  The
offensively clueless
have a special place in our hearts - as objects of
ridicule.  We don't like
you, but we do love you.


You will get mad.  You will tell us to go to hell, and
call us "nerds" and
"geeks".  Don't bother ...  we already know exactly
what we are.  And, much
like the way hardcore rap has co-opted the word
"nigger", turning an insult
around on itself to become a semiserious badge of
honor, so have we done.


"How dare you!  I used to beat the crap out of punks
like you in high
school/college!" You may have owned the playing field
because you were an
athlete.  You may have owned the student council
because you were more
popular.  You may have owned the hallways and
sidewalks because you were big
and intimidating.  Well, welcome to our world.


Things like athleticism, popularity, and physical
prowess mean nothing here.
We place no value on them ...  or what car you drive,
the size of your bank
account, what you do for a living or where you went to
school.


Allow us to introduce you to the concept of a
"meritocracy" - the closest
thing to a form of self-government we have.  In The
United Meritocratic
nation-states of the Internet, those who can do, rule.
 Those who wish to
rule, learn.  Everyone else watches from the stands.


You may posses everything in the off-line world.  We
don't care.  You come
to the Internet penniless, lacking the only thing of
real value here:
knowledge.


"Who cares?  The Internet isn't real anyway!" This
attitude is universally
unacceptable.  The Internet is real.  Real people live
behind those handles
and screen names.  Real machines allow it to exist.
It's real enough to
change government policy, real enough to feed the
world's hungry, and even,
for some of us, real enough to earn us a paycheck.
Using your own
definition, how "real" is your job?  Your stock
portfolio?  Your political
party?  What is the meaning of "real", anyway?


Do I sound arrogant?  Sure ...  to you.  Because you
probably don't get it
yet.


If you insist on staying, then, at the very least,
follow this advice:


1) No one, ESPECIALLY YOU, will make any law
respecting an establishment of
religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or
abridging the freedom
of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people
peaceably to
assemble, and to petition the government for a redress
of grievances.


2) Use your brain before ever putting fingers to keys.


3) Do you want a picture of you getting anally raped
by Bill Clinton while
you're performing oral sex on a cow saved to hundreds
of thousands of
people's hard drives?  No?  Then don't put your
fucking picture on the
Internet.
We can, will, and probably already HAVE altered it in
awful ways.  Expect it
to show up on an equally offensive website.


4) Realize that you are never, EVER going to get that,
or any other,
offensive web page taken down.  Those of us who run
those sites LIVE to piss
off people like you.  Those of us who don't run those
sites sometimes visit
them just to read the hatemail from fools like you.


5) Oh, you say you're going to a lawyer?  Be prepared
for us to giggle with
girlish delight, and for your lawyer to laugh in your
face after he explains
current copyright and parody law.


6) The Web is not the Internet.  Stop referring to it
that way.


7) We have already received the e-mail you are about
to forward to us.  Shut
up.


8) Don't reply to spam.  You are not going to be
"unsubscribed".


9) Don't ever use the term "cyberspace" (only William
Gibson gets to say
that, and even he hasn't really used it for two or
three books now).
Likewise, you prove yourself a marketing-hype victim
if you ever use the
term "surfing".


10) With one or two notable exceptions, chat rooms
will not get you laid.


11) It's a hoax, not a virus warning.


12) The internet is made up of thousands of computers,
all connected but
owned by different people.  Learn how to use *your*
computer before
attempting to connect it to someone else's.


13) The first person who offers to help you is really
just trying to fuck
with you for entertainment.  So is the second.
And the third.

And me.


14) Never insult someone who's been active in any
group longer than you
have.  You may as well paint a damn target on your
back.


15) Never get comfortable and arrogant behind your
supposed mask of
anonymity.  Don't be surprised when your name,
address, and home phone
number get thrown back in your smug face.  Hell, some
of us will snail-mail
you a printed satellite photograph of your house to
drive the point home.
Realize that you are powerless if this happens ...
it's all public
information, and information is our stock and trade.


16) No one thinks you are as cool as you think you
are.


17) You aren't going to win any argument that you
start.


18) If you're on AOL, don't worry about anything I've
said here.  You're
already a fucking laughing stock, and there's no hope
for you.


19) If you can't take a joke, immediately sell your
computer to someone who
can.  RIGHT NOW.


Pissed off?  It's the TRUTH, not these words, that
hurts your feelings.
Don't ever even pretend like I've gone & hurt them.


We don't like you.  We don't want you here.  We never
will.

Save us all the trouble and go away.

----- Original Message -----
From: "Old Goat" <olgoat-AT-nebi.com>
To: "Maldoror" <insektus-AT-yahoo.com>;
<anarchy-list-AT-lists.village.virginia.edu>
Cc: <dcombs-AT-bloomington.in.us>
Sent: Saturday, October 05, 2002 3:30 PM
Subject: Re: new US law on israel (or carp's need to feel special)


Oooops!  Big mistake here, Malaprop.  Please don't send me stuff like this.
You'd be better advised to do it one-on-one anyways rather than publically.
Of course, if you slugged it out privately with Carp, the rest of us would
never have the opportunity to see how really clever you are.  Pity.

old goat
withdraw consent

----- Original Message -----
From: Maldoror
To: anarchy-list-AT-lists.village.virginia.edu
Cc: dcombs-AT-bloomington.in.us
Sent: Saturday, October 05, 2002 01:16
Subject: new US law on israel (or carp's need to feel special)


so not only are you so starved for attention like a 3
yr old brat that you decided to actually take the time
to post it, but now you're slamming me because i use
yahoo.

oooh don't you feel smart.

I FUCKING MIS-TYPED YOU ARROGANT FUCKING ASSHOLE AND
YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT AN ARROGANT ANTAGONIZING PRICK
EVER SINCE.

ARE YOU SO FUCKING PERFECT THAT YOU NEVER MAKE A
GODDAMNED MISTAKE? YOU'VE NEVER BLUNDERED?

GRANTED, I MADE A MISTAKE. I KNOW HOW LAWS ARE PASSED.
I WAS CURIOUS WHAT THE LIST THOUGHT ABOUT BUSH'S
APPROVAL OF JERUSALEM BEING OFFICIALLY LABELED THE
CAPITAL OF ISRAEL ON ALL OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS, AND
THAT'S HOW IT CAME OUT. WHOOPS! I FUCKED UP. BIG DEAL.