File spoon-archives/anarchy-list.archive/anarchy-list_2003/anarchy-list.0302, message 236


Date: 12 Feb 2003 22:31:00 +0200
From: ASWAD-AT-anarch.free.de (catkawin)
Subject: [ndn-aim] Fw: North Dakota Found To Be Harboring Nuclear Missiles



> > > North Dakota Found To Be Harboring Nuclear Missiles
> > > <http://www.theonion.com/onion3904/north_dakota.html>
> > >
> > > BISMARCK, ND-The stage was set for another international
> > > showdown Monday, when chief U.N. weapons inspector Hans
> > > Blix confirmed that the remote, isolationist state of
> > > North Dakota is in possession of a large stockpile of
> > > nuclear missiles.
> > >
> > > "Satellite photos confirm that the North Dakotans have
> > > been quietly harboring an extensive nuclear-weapons
> > > program," said Blix, presenting his findings in a speech
> > > to the U.N. Security Council. "Alarmingly, this barely
> > > developed hinterland possesses the world's most
> > > technologically advanced weapons of mass destruction,
> > > capable of reaching targets all over the world."
> > >
> > > After initially offering no comment on the report, North
> > > Dakota officials admitted to having a stockpile of 1,710
> > > warheads at two military sites and confirmed that the
> > > state has been home to an active nuclear-weapons-
> > > development program for decades.
> > >
> > > Blix called the revelation a "terrifying prospect for
> > > the world at large."
> > >
> > > Within hours of the announcement, U.N. Secretary-General
> > > Kofi Annan urged North Dakota to abandon its program.
> > >
> > > "This is clearly an excessive number of weapons for a
> > > place like North Dakota to possess," Annan said. "In
> > > this post-Cold War environment, we should be moving away
> > > from nuclear proliferation among developing states."
> > > Above: Kofi Annan addresses the U.N. Security Council
> > > regarding the North Dakota situation.
> > >
> > > European leaders also spoke out in opposition to North
> > > Dakota's weapons program.
> > >
> > > "North Dakota, still in its cultural infancy, cannot be
> > > trusted to responsibly handle weapons of mass
> > > destruction," French President Jacques Chirac said. "We
> > > are talking about a place that doesn't even have a Thai
> > > restaurant or movie theater that shows foreign films,
> > > but still they have the resources to build thousands of
> > > warheads. Do not believe their claims of being 'The
> > > Peace Garden State.'"
> > >
> > > According to Chirac, North Dakota's development of
> > > nuclear arms "represents a grave threat to peaceful
> > > states the world over, none more so than its longtime
> > > neighbor and rival across the 45th Parallel, South
> > > Dakota."
> > >
> > > "The South Dakotans, while a simple people themselves,
> > > are friendly, hospitable, and far more in touch with the
> > > outside world," Chirac said. "Many people, myself
> > > included, have passed through and seen the Badlands and
> > > Mount Rushmore. North Dakota, on the other hand, is a
> > > bleak, racially homogeneous state that few people ever
> > > enter or exit."
> > >
> > > After a joint meeting of the French and German cabinets,
> > > German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder said the two nations
> > > "agree that this situation must be rectified" and
> > > implored North Dakota to cease its uranium-enrichment
> > > program immediately.
> > >
> > > "We have opened the door to talks," Schroeder said.
> > > "But, unfortunately, North Dakota seems unwilling to
> > > engage with the world community at this time."
> > >
> > > According to Blix, North Dakota is home to 500 Minuteman
> > > III ICBMs and 50 Peacekeeper missiles, giving it one of
> > > the heaviest concentrations of the weapons on earth. The
> > > biggest discovery made by U.N. inspectors, Blix said,
> > > was a missile field at Minot Air Force Base, where they
> > > found an "almost unbelievable" stockpile of warheads.
> > >
> > > The rogue state was also found to possess enormous
> > > stockpiles of fissile material.
> > >
> > > "North Dakota could have as much as 75 metric tons of
> > > weapons-grade uranium and 8 metric tons of weapons-grade
> > > plutonium," Blix said. "Just 55 pounds of uranium are
> > > needed to construct a simple nuclear weapon. Do the
> > > math-the prospects are terrifying."
> > >
> > > The man at the center of the controversy is North
> > > Dakota's leader, Gov. John Hoeven. Having risen to power
> > > in 2000 after amassing tremendous wealth in the private
> > > sector, Hoeven lives a life of comfort and excess inside
> > > the heavily patrolled North Dakota governor's mansion, a
> > > lavish dwelling paid for entirely by the state, while
> > > many of his people engage in subsistence farming.
> > >
> > > Some suspect that Hoeven is using the nuclear program as
> > > a bargaining chip to gain badly needed economic benefits
> > > for his state. Hardly at the forefront of technology in
> > > other aspects, North Dakota has a largely rural
> > > population and a child-poverty rate of 14 percent-a fact
> > > critics have been quick to point out.
> > >
> > > "North Dakotans live a horrible life of isolation and
> > > deprivation, struggling to grow crops in a hostile, sub-
> > > zero climate while their indifferent government
> > > routinely prioritizes bolstering the state's military
> > > might," BBC World correspondent Caroline Eagan said.
> > > "There are people starving there, and yet high-tech
> > > weapons laboratories and military bases abound. It's
> > > deplorable."
> > >
> > > Added Eagan: "And, no big surprise, the U.S. played a
> > > major role in arming this place. I hear most of the
> > > missiles are American-made."
> > >
> > > Many U.S. citizens have expressed fear, some realizing
> > > for the first time that North Dakota has thousands of
> > > weapons capable of reaching any major American city
> > > within minutes.
> > >
> > > "It is absolutely frightening that there are all these
> > > weapons of mass destruction practically in my backyard,"
> > > said Karen Stiles of Moorhead, MN. "Do we really know
> > > enough about these people who have their finger on the
> > > button that could kill millions?"
> > >
> > > Added Stiles: "How did our elected officials let this
> > > happen?"
> > >
> > >
> > >
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