File spoon-archives/anarchy-list.archive/anarchy-list_2003/anarchy-list.0303, message 656


From: "Heather" <Heather-AT-teknopunx.co.uk>
Subject: NYC: Supplies to Get Should War Come Next Week
Date: Tue, 18 Mar 2003 20:50:36 -0000


NYC: Supplies to Get Should War Come Next Week

> Osama has said that, if Hussein is the little Satan, the U.S.
> is the big one and should be dealt with accordingly when we attack
> Iraq.  We know this because his last communication was widely
> circulated by our Homeland Security outfit to alert the El Qaeda
> guys when and how to do it.  So . . .
>
> Every NYC household ought to take the following precautionary
> steps:
>
> 1) In case our NYC water supplies are either disrupted or
> polluted with deadly poisons, which are probably widespread on the
> open market now, thanks to our liberal distributions of same to our
> minions such as Saddam during the Reagan years, be sure to order in
> several cases of beer or wine -- your beverage of choice.  Might as
> well have a good party while NYC burns.  Later you can begin the
> long trek elsewhere.  However, be forewarned about heading north
> towards Ithaca.  I recall the Ithaca Journal publishing an article
> back when to the effect that they would be assigned 100,000 NYC
> refugees, should we get nuked and make it that far.  The next week
> the paper was barraged with letters -- including one from the local
> head of the NRA -- indicating that we New York City folk certainly
> would not be welcomed and would be met at the Tompkins County line
> by a militia armed with rifles and other assorted weapons to
> persuade us to depart elsewhere.  Why else do you think the NRA
> defends the rights of individuals to possess any weapon smaller
> than a B-2 Bomber?
>
> 2) In the advent of a chemical or biological weapons attack,
> make sure you have on hand enough tall kitchen bags for all family
> residents, including pets.  Better to die gasping for the remnants
> of good clean American air in your bag than to inhale that Al Qaeda
> stuff.  You can tie up any who resist your benevolent assistance
> with that left over duct tape they had you buy a couple of weeks
> back -- sturdy stuff for restraining people or animals.
>
> 3) In case Indian Point is blown or one of those suitcase
> nukes, which were allegedly floating around the former Soviet
> Republics, hits Brooklyn or Queens use either remedy or both in
> sequence above.  Besides who cares about being a bit radioactive.
> Saves heating bills if one is already warmed by radiation.  What do
> you think a halo is anyway?  If an afterlife is inevitable -- one
> might as well be well lit.  Hah! Hah!
>
> 4) Purchase multiple boxes of Band-Aids.  These will offer
> cosmetic relief, should the pox or some other comparable plague
> hit.  Can begin using immediately so as to set a new fashion style
> to prepare us so that the survivors can stand the sight of their
> horribly disfigured bodies.  Some of us who had the shots as kids
> know how messy the holes are.
>
> 4) Probably you can skip excess food supplies.  Most
> Americans are overweight anyway these days and can stand a
> guaranteed reducing diet that requires no special exercise apart
> from opening refrigerator doors and cabinets to discover any
> fragments of leftovers still undiscovered.  If things get
> particularly grim, we can resort to Swift's modest proposal and
> solve our school funding problems, too.  Manifestly Americans would
> prefer to kill Iraqis to caring for their kids anyway.  Look at the
> way they are lining up on this war paid for out of school funds
> and medicine for kids.
>
> Gosh!  I'm sure I have left out some things.  I don't happen to
> own a car, but if you are worried about gassing up, forget it.  I
> imagine that the bridges and tunnels will be the first things to go
> and there will be no point in running down to the village market or
> whatever.  It is sure to be pillaged with the first sign of trouble.
>
> Whatever, think small.  The homeless have been making it pretty well
> without most of the 'luxuries' above.  In our 'hood (Riverside Park)
> they take shelter in the Amtrak tunnel running beneath.  Best move
> is probably to adopt a homeless person to show you how to make it
> while they are still available.  Learn how to beg and survive on
> limited resources.
>
> Better sign off now before Homeland Security comes by to steal all
> these nifty suggestions or whatever.  Wonder where Bushy and crew
> are planning to hide out through all the rough going?  Probably
> have a nicely laid out shelter somewhere with all the fixings.
> Seems that was where they were headed 9/11, so I am told.  Always
> good to have a special refuge arranged paid for by the tax payers --
> while they are still around to pay such.
>
> Oh well.  Our ancestors came out of caves.  Back we go.  The
> strongest will probably survive to start this whole deadly process
> over again.  Isn't this what our neo-Cons tell us?  Or are the
> apocalypse types possibly on to something.  Suppose we might just end
> off the human race in one fell swipe.  Know any friendly angels?
>
> See ya around.
> --
> Ed Kent

   

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