Date: 21 Mar 2003 01:21:00 +0200
From: ASWAD-AT-anarch.free.de (catkawin)
Subject: [ndn-aim] BIA



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BIA
Bureau of Iraqi Affairs
Formed March 20, 2003

Dear People of Iraq,

Now that you have been liberated from your tyranist oppressors, we at
the BIA look forward to our relationship with you.  Below you will
find a list of what to expect from the services of our good offices.

1. Henceforth, English will be the spoken language of all government
and associated offices.  If you do not speak English, a translator
fluent in German will be provided.
2. All Iraqi people will apply for a spot on a citizen roll.Citizenship  
will be open to those people who can proove that they are
Iraqi back four generations with documents issued by the United
States.  Christian church records may also be given in support.
3. All hospitals will be issued with a standard emergency aid kit.The kit  
contains gauze, bandaids, burn cream, iodine, tweazers, and
duct tape.
4. Your oil is to be held in trust for you.  We will apoint your new
American approved government a lawyer with a background in the oil
industry.  Nevermind that he works for the company that he will
eventually cut a deal with.  This close relationship will guarentee
you more money for your oil.
5. Each Citizen will be allotted one hundred acres of prime Iraqi
desert.  They will be issued with plows, hoes, seed corn and the King
James Bible.  All leftover land will be open to settlement by Israelis.6.  
Each Citizen is entitled to draw a ration of milk, sugar, flour and
lard.  If you can not use the rations for health or religious reasons
you may file a complaint with your BIA appointed laisons, Crisco.Those  
Iraqis showing signs of diabetes, heart disease, or glaucoma
will be issued with double rations in place of adequate health care.
7. We will mismanage your trust monies, allowing any five year old
with minimal computer skills to hack into the system and set up their
own account.  Records or your accounts will be kept, but you must
receive express written permission from the head of the BIA to examine
them.
8. In keeping with the seperation of Church and State supported by the
US constitution, Chrisitan missionaries will be sponsored through
government funding. Only Iraqis who convert to Christianity will be
allowed to hold jobs within the government.9. For the purposes of treaty  
making, any single Iraqi will be found
to sign on behalf of all other Iraqis.



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