Date: Thu, 17 Jun 2004 20:27:36 -0500
From: dan combs <dcombs-AT-bloomington.in.us>
Subject: Why did the chicken...




Why Did the Chicken cross the Road?
Coalition Provisional Authority: The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed 
the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been 
transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled June 30th 
transition of power. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own 
decisions.

Halliburton: We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the 
inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation 
will only cost the US government $326,004.

Muqtada al-Sadr: The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will be 
killed.
US Army Military Police: We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross 
the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the 
chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the 
occurrence of any chicken rights violations.

Peshmerga: The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the 
road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to 
defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be 
called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill.
1st Cav: The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without 
displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was 
appropriately detained and searched in accordance with current SOP's. We 
apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this 
unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity 
training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by 
female soldiers.
Al Jazeera: The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at 
gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to 
eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet 
another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens.
Blackwater: We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing 
incident.
Translators: Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle regulation. 
Future chicken table against my request.
U.S. Marine Corps: The chicken is dead, move out.

HTML VERSION:

Why Did the Chicken cross the Road?
Coalition Provisional Authority: The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled June 30th transition of power. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own decisions.

Halliburton: We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the US government $326,004.

Muqtada al-Sadr: The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will be killed.
US Army Military Police: We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations.

Peshmerga: The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill.
1st Cav: The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with current SOP's. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by female soldiers.
Al Jazeera: The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens.
Blackwater: We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident.
Translators: Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle regulation. Future chicken table against my request.
U.S. Marine Corps: The chicken is dead, move out.