From: "marc rodrigues" <marc36-AT-graffiti.net>
Date: Mon, 07 Jun 2004 20:07:14 -0500
Subject: Fw: [freejeffluers] Dispatch from Free-6/3/04



----- Original Message -----
From: freefreenow-AT-mutualaid.org
Date: Mon,  7 Jun 2004 17:56:23 -0700 (PDT)
To: freejeffluers-AT-lists.riseup.net
Subject: [freejeffluers] Dispatch from Free-6/3/04

> This isnt the happiest thing to read but it is where Jeff is right now. If ever you have doubted the need to do something this June 12 or to help out, read this dispatch.  Let's make sure Jeff doesnt leave prison a 43 year old.
> Free Free!
> 
> Friends of Free
> =====> Dispatch 6/3/04
> 
> Generally, I strive to keep these little writings of mine impersonal. This time, I^Òm going to do the opposite. 
> 
> In two weeks, I^Òll have been in prison 4 years. It is not a big number but the closer it gets, the longer it feels. Despite my ability to always keep my head high and to remain strong and determined, I feel the years taking a toll on me.
> 
> I^Òm having a really hard time. This is difficult for me to say. It is hard for me to acknowledge.
> 
> I can^Òt share feelings anymore. I can^Òt share how bad my heart hurts at watching the sun set over a wall. I keep secrets from my best friend because I no longer know how to share them or because I simply cannot bring myself to, I let things go unsaid. Really, when I ain^Òt going anywhere for 18 years, what is the point in saying them? It usually makes things harder anyway.
> 
> The other day, I explained to my mom why she should not have hope for my release on appeal or a shorter sentence or anything. I explained that 99% of all appeals are denied. She cried and told me all she wants is for me to get out before her, my dad and oma (my 94 year old grandma) die. You want to know what I said? I said, I can^Òt have your hope on my conscience.
> 
> Most nights and days for that matter, I sit with a photo album looking at pictures of people I love. In my mind and often in my heart, I tell them things that I^Òll never tell them in real life. I share dreams that I know can^Òt come true. I tell them that I no longer have any hope for my own life.
> 
> I am not a martyr and I am not hero. I don^Òt fit some perfect archetype and I cant live up to any ideal of what so many people think I am. I^Òm just a man who loves without being able to say the words and who cries without being able to shed tears. I chose this life. I chose the possibility of prison. I chose to forsake my personal life for that which I believed in. It was not out of any altruistic or self-sacrifying desire. I chose this life because I don^Òt think I could live with myself if I did not.
> 
> I^Òll never know if in the end I could have or if in the end, I would have regretted not doing more. I also know that because of my choices, I^Òm missing out on experiencing true love. I^Òm missing that freight train ride across Canada and I^Òm missing that little piece of land out in the country where I could grow my food, hunt, fish and live in peace for the rest of my days as mother nature intended.
> 
> I^Òm not sure I^Òll ever know if I made the right choice or if it was worth it. I don^Òt have any regrets about my actions, not my choices for that matter. I can live with them but sometimes especially late at night, when I^Òm, looking at a picture of a smiling face, they can be incredibly hard to bear.
> 
> This is my lot in life as I await my 43rd birthday. It will be my last birthday in nail. After , if we still have a world, I can walk out into it no longer understanding it no longer having the dreams I have now. Perhaps along, hopefully with a friend- I can start all over trying to find a place in a life I^Òve forgotten how to live. When I think about the future, I think about the year 2022.
> 
> Jeffrey Luers
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 

>
> Write Free at:
> Jeffrey Luers, #13797671, Oregon State Penetentiary, Salem, OR 97310
> 
> Donate to Free's Legal Defense:
> 1-Online Donations-see http://www.freefreenow.org/appeal.html
> 2-Send a check or money order to: Free's Defense Network,
POB 3, Eugene, OR 97440.





-- 
_______________________________________________
Graffiti.net free e-mail -AT- www.graffiti.net
Check out our value-added Premium features, such as an extra 20MB for just US$9.95 per year!

Powered by Outblaze