Date: Sat, 19 Jun 1999 14:24:28 -0500
From: Bill Spornitz <lumpylabs-AT-mbnet.mb.ca>
Subject: Rewriting the Bible from the emails


IMHO, It's *the* People's Internet Cultural Activity: Repeating, compiling
and republishing, to attain ever higher states of cute banality;

 rewriting the _Codus Alimentarus_; viz:



Sayings that should be on buttons...

   Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

   Bottomless pit of needs & wants.

   Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

   And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

   Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

   Whisper my favourite words: "I'll buy it for you."

   Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

   Do they ever shut up on your planet?

   I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

   Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

   One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.

    How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

   You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

   You look like shit. Is that the style now?

   Is it time for your medication or mine?




Bumper stickers:
          : Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up
your ass ?
          : Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

          : 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
          : Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
          : JESUS SAVES . . . They Pass It To Gretzky. . .He
Shoots..He..Scores!
          : Jesus is coming! Look busy!
          : You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
          : Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date.
          : All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
          : It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
          : We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.

          : Honk If You Want To See My Finger .


SOME RULES OF LIFE
-The best things in life aren't things.
-Speak softly and wear a loud shirt.
-He who dies with the most toys-still dies.

Authentic 1998 headlines
    1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
    2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
    3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
    5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
    6. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
    7. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    8. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
    9. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  10. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
  11. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
  12. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
  13. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  14. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
  15. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
  16. War Dims Hope for Peace
  17. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  18. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  19. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  20. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  21. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
  22. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  23. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
  24. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead




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