Subject: Effects of Beer! (fwd)
Date: Tue, 14 Sep 1999 17:53:00 -0400 (EDT)


Date:         Tue, 14 Sep 1999 17:16:06 -0400
From: Brian Frye <fryekino-AT-REDCONNECT.NET>
Subject:      Effects of Beer! (fwd)
To: FRAMEWORKS-AT-LISTSERV.AOL.COM
 
 
TOKYO (AP) The recent craze for hydrogen beer is at the heart of a three
way lawsuit between unemployed stockbroker Toshira Otoma, the Tike-Take
karaoke bar and the Asaka Beer Corporation.

Mr Otoma is suing the bar and the brewery for selling toxic substances and
is claiming damages for grievous bodily harm leading to the loss of his
job.  The bar is countersuing for defamation and loss of customers.

The Asaka Beer corporation brews "Suiso" brand beer, where the carbon
dioxide normally used to add fizz has been replaced by the more
environmentally friendly hydrogen gas. A side effect of this has made the
beer extremely popular at karaoke sing-along bars and discotheques.

Hydrogen, like helium, is a gas lighter than air. Because hydrogen
molecules are lighter than air, sound waves are transmitted more rapidly;
individuals whose lungs are filled with the non-toxic gas can speak with an
uncharacteristically high voice. Exploiting this quirk of physics, chic
urbanites can now sing soprano parts on karaoke sing-along machines after
consuming a big gulp of Suiso beer.

The flammable nature of hydrogen has also become another selling point,
even though Asaka has not acknowledged that this was a deliberate marketing
ploy.

It has inspired a new fashion of blowing flames from one's mouth using a
cigarette as an ignition source. Many new karaoke videos feature singers
shooting blue flames in slow motion, while flame contests take place in
pubs everywhere. "Mr Otoma has no-one to blame but himself.  If he had not
become drunk and disorderly, none of this would have happened. Our security
guards undergo the most careful screening and training before they are
allowed to deal with customers" said Mr Takashi Nomura, Manager of the
Tike-Take bar.

"Mr Otoma drank fifteen bottles of hydrogen beer in order to maximise the
size of the flames he could belch during the contest. He catapulted balls
of fire across the room that Gojira (Godzilla in English) would be proud
of, but this was not enough to win him first prize since the judgement is
made on the quality of the flames and that of the singing, and after
fifteen bottles of lager he was badly out of tune."

"He took exception to the result and hurled blue fireballs at the judge,
singeing the front of Mrs Mifune's hair, entirely removing her eyebrows and
lashes, and ruining the clothes of two nearby customers. None of these
people have returned to my bar. When our security staff  approached he
turned his attentions to them, making it almost impossible to approach him.
Our head bouncer had no choice but to hurl himself at Mr Otoma's knees,
knocking his legs from under him."

"The laws of physics are not to be disobeyed, and the force that propelled
Mr Otoma's legs backwards also pivoted around his centre of gravity a moved
his upper body forward with equal velocity. It was his own fault he had his
mouth open for the next belch, his own fault he held a lighted cigarette in
front of it and it is own fault he swallowed that
cigarette."

"The Tike-Take bar takes no responsibility for the subsequent internal
combustion, rupture of his stomach lining, nor the third degree burns to
his oesophagus, larynx and sinuses as the exploding gases forced their way
out of his body. His consequential muteness and loss of employment are his
own fault."

Mr Otoma was unavailable for comment.


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