File spoon-archives/bataille.archive/bataille_1999/bataille.9903, message 105


Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 14:15:13 -0500 (EST)
From: Marsha Faizi <mfaizi-AT-rbnet.com>
Subject: The Definitive Guide To Life


I thought this was amusing so I am sending it for the amusement of any who
can find it amusing. I like irony, myself.

Faizi


>
>		        THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO LIFE
>
>			 (125 proverbs to live by)
>
>
>	  The Definitive Guide to Life is one of the best works I have
>	  seen in a long time.  It was submitted to "Life and Death"
>	  anonymously on a few scraps of paper, but I wouldn't let this
>	  put you off.  Truly, it is a work of rare beauty and insight.
>	  It manages to distill the very best wisdom from the entire
>	  three thousand years of human history.
>
>	  The great thing about this particular guide is its brevity,
>	  allowing the reader quick and easy access to its treasures
>	  without having to wade through all the unnecessary padding.
>	  All you ever wanted to know about life is now right at your
>	  finger tips!  Read and enjoy.    
>                                          - Professor Robert Black
>
>
>
>		       The Definitive Guide to Life.
>		      -------------------------------
>
>	1.
>
>	Everything is uncertain.
>
>	The Buddha shits, the same as anyone.
>
>	Your truths may be true for you.
>
>	All truths are opinions.
>
>	Your opinion is not the only valid one.
>
>	The opposite of every great truth is equally true.
>
>	There are two sides to every coin.
>
>	The world is too complex to comprehend.
>
>	Our brains are too limited to understand reality.
>
>	We are not meant to know the Truth.
>
>	It is my right to be ignorant.
>
>	Everything is meaningless.
>
>	Nothing matters.
>
>
>	2.
>
>	Look for the Truth if you must, but don't find it.
>
>	The search is what's important.
>
>	Anyone who thinks they know something is a fool.
>
>	It is better to travel than arrive.
>
>	The wisest man is he who does not believe he is wise.
>
>	Those who speak do not know.
>
>	The older I grow, the less I know.
>
>
>	3.
>
>	Reason is useless.
>
>	Thinking gets you nowhere.
>
>	The great philosophers themselves used reason and they didn't
>	agree.
>
>	Plato was a great man.
>
>	Descartes possessed courage.
>
>	Kant had integrity.
>
>	Hume was honest.
>
>	It is an exaggeration to say that Western philosophy is
>	thoroughly evil.
>
>	The great questions of life are unsolvable.
>
>
>	4.
>
>	Whatever you do, do it in moderation.
>
>	The best things carried to excess are wrong.
>
>	A wise person is anyone who follows a middle course.
>
>	Contentment is the highest virtue.
>
>	We will never know the reason for our existence, not until we
>	die at least.
>
>	No one will ever know why the evil prosper and the good suffer.
>
>	Our suffering will always be a mystery.
>
>
>	5.
>
>	All religions proclaim the one God.
>
>	If there was no God, life would be meaningless.
>
>	All religions are spiritual.
>
>	Meditation and prayer leads to enlightenment.
>
>	Christians are spiritual; atheists are materialists.
>
>	Anyone who wears robes and smiles is spiritual.
>
>	The Pope and the Dalai Lama are spiritual men.
>
>	Mother Theresa is good, while Hitler is evil.
>
>	Doing good is good.
>
>	Keep going to church.
>
>	Submit.
>
>	Humility is the greatest of all virtues.
>
>
>	6.
>
>	People who judge are evil.
>
>	Do not judge others.
>
>	Stop being judgmental.
>
>	Truth brings forth hatred.
>
>	To think is to differ.
>
>	Thinking causes pain.
>
>	Thinking upsets people.
>
>	The highest virtue is to accept our limitations and tolerate
>	other people's weaknesses.
>
>	You must tolerate other people's views.
>
>	You must have faith in people.
>
>	There are more good people in the world than bad.
>
>
>	7.
>
>	Man is born to believe.
>
>	We cannot live without hope.
>
>	Hope feeds the soul.
>
>	Without hope, we would never get out of bed
>
>	Everything's going to be alright.
>
>
>	8.
>
>	Have the courage to believe in yourself.
>
>	Don't listen to other people.
>
>	Let nobody deter you from doing what you believe is right.
>
>	You are important.
>
>	You only live once.
>
>	History never repeats.
>
>
>	9.
>
>	The Devil finds work for idle hands.
>
>	I earn a wage, therefore I am good.
>
>	Businessmen are virtuous.
>
>	A busy life is a virtuous life.
>
>	There is no substitute for hard work.
>
>	Work harder and run faster than everyone else.
>
>	One should aim to live a rich and varied existence.
>
>	Variety is the spice of life.
>
>
>
>	10.
>
>	Honour your parents.
>
>	Pursue a career.
>
>	Get married.
>
>	Love your wife unconditionally.
>
>	Family means everything to me.
>
>	Having children puts everything in perspective.
>
>	Children are valuable.
>
>	Always listen to little children.
>
>
>
>	11.
>
>	Motherly love is pure and selfless.
>
>	Mothers are saints.
>
>	The feminine is the spiritual aspect of ourselves.
>
>	Our emotions are spiritual.
>
>	Christmas is a special time of year.
>
>
>	12.
>
>	Women have souls.
>
>	Women think.
>
>	Women are conscious.
>
>	You can't judge a woman from the dress she wears.
>
>
>	13.
>
>	Men and women are equal.
>
>	Women are more emotionally mature than men.
>
>	Women are more caring than men.
>
>	Women are less violent than men.
>
>	Women are less egotistical than men because they are less
>	dominating.
>
>	It is wrong to think of women as slaves to fashion.  A part of
>	them is deeper.
>
>	Women are not victims.
>
>
>	14.
>
>	Everybody needs somebody to love.
>
>	Love one another.
>
>	Without love, there is nothing.
>
>	Love is wonderful.
>
>	Love conquers all.
>
>	The world needs more love.
>
>	A hug a day keeps the demons at bay.
>
>	The more love, the less war.
>
>
>	15.
>
>	Lighten up, for heaven's sake!
>
>	Don't take yourself seriously.
>
>	Concentrate on the positives.
>
>	Always look on the bright side of life.
>
>	It is better to be entertaining than wise.
>
>	A smile goes a long away.
>
>	Laughter is the best medicine.
>
>	If you can't find something pleasant to say about someone, then
>	say nothing at all.
>
>	Put people at their ease.
>
>	Never make an enemy.
>
>	Dare to be naive.
>
>
>	16.
>
>	Relax.
>
>	Take it easy.
>
>	We are meant to be happy.
>
>	If it feels good, do it.
>
>	If you've got it, flaunt it.
>
>	We can do what we want, as long as we don't hurt anyone else.
>
>	Anything you do is right.
>
>	Do what works.
>
>	Don't fight it.
>
>	Anything which feels this good can't be wrong.
>
>	Go with the flow.
>
>	Everything just *is*.
>
>	Be happy.
>
>
>--
>
>Taken from the magazine "Life and Death" - a publication by the Society for
>the Elimination of All Truth (SEAT.)


   

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