Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 14:15:13 -0500 (EST) From: Marsha Faizi <mfaizi-AT-rbnet.com> Subject: The Definitive Guide To Life I thought this was amusing so I am sending it for the amusement of any who can find it amusing. I like irony, myself. Faizi > > THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO LIFE > > (125 proverbs to live by) > > > The Definitive Guide to Life is one of the best works I have > seen in a long time. It was submitted to "Life and Death" > anonymously on a few scraps of paper, but I wouldn't let this > put you off. Truly, it is a work of rare beauty and insight. > It manages to distill the very best wisdom from the entire > three thousand years of human history. > > The great thing about this particular guide is its brevity, > allowing the reader quick and easy access to its treasures > without having to wade through all the unnecessary padding. > All you ever wanted to know about life is now right at your > finger tips! Read and enjoy. > - Professor Robert Black > > > > The Definitive Guide to Life. > ------------------------------- > > 1. > > Everything is uncertain. > > The Buddha shits, the same as anyone. > > Your truths may be true for you. > > All truths are opinions. > > Your opinion is not the only valid one. > > The opposite of every great truth is equally true. > > There are two sides to every coin. > > The world is too complex to comprehend. > > Our brains are too limited to understand reality. > > We are not meant to know the Truth. > > It is my right to be ignorant. > > Everything is meaningless. > > Nothing matters. > > > 2. > > Look for the Truth if you must, but don't find it. > > The search is what's important. > > Anyone who thinks they know something is a fool. > > It is better to travel than arrive. > > The wisest man is he who does not believe he is wise. > > Those who speak do not know. > > The older I grow, the less I know. > > > 3. > > Reason is useless. > > Thinking gets you nowhere. > > The great philosophers themselves used reason and they didn't > agree. > > Plato was a great man. > > Descartes possessed courage. > > Kant had integrity. > > Hume was honest. > > It is an exaggeration to say that Western philosophy is > thoroughly evil. > > The great questions of life are unsolvable. > > > 4. > > Whatever you do, do it in moderation. > > The best things carried to excess are wrong. > > A wise person is anyone who follows a middle course. > > Contentment is the highest virtue. > > We will never know the reason for our existence, not until we > die at least. > > No one will ever know why the evil prosper and the good suffer. > > Our suffering will always be a mystery. > > > 5. > > All religions proclaim the one God. > > If there was no God, life would be meaningless. > > All religions are spiritual. > > Meditation and prayer leads to enlightenment. > > Christians are spiritual; atheists are materialists. > > Anyone who wears robes and smiles is spiritual. > > The Pope and the Dalai Lama are spiritual men. > > Mother Theresa is good, while Hitler is evil. > > Doing good is good. > > Keep going to church. > > Submit. > > Humility is the greatest of all virtues. > > > 6. > > People who judge are evil. > > Do not judge others. > > Stop being judgmental. > > Truth brings forth hatred. > > To think is to differ. > > Thinking causes pain. > > Thinking upsets people. > > The highest virtue is to accept our limitations and tolerate > other people's weaknesses. > > You must tolerate other people's views. > > You must have faith in people. > > There are more good people in the world than bad. > > > 7. > > Man is born to believe. > > We cannot live without hope. > > Hope feeds the soul. > > Without hope, we would never get out of bed > > Everything's going to be alright. > > > 8. > > Have the courage to believe in yourself. > > Don't listen to other people. > > Let nobody deter you from doing what you believe is right. > > You are important. > > You only live once. > > History never repeats. > > > 9. > > The Devil finds work for idle hands. > > I earn a wage, therefore I am good. > > Businessmen are virtuous. > > A busy life is a virtuous life. > > There is no substitute for hard work. > > Work harder and run faster than everyone else. > > One should aim to live a rich and varied existence. > > Variety is the spice of life. > > > > 10. > > Honour your parents. > > Pursue a career. > > Get married. > > Love your wife unconditionally. > > Family means everything to me. > > Having children puts everything in perspective. > > Children are valuable. > > Always listen to little children. > > > > 11. > > Motherly love is pure and selfless. > > Mothers are saints. > > The feminine is the spiritual aspect of ourselves. > > Our emotions are spiritual. > > Christmas is a special time of year. > > > 12. > > Women have souls. > > Women think. > > Women are conscious. > > You can't judge a woman from the dress she wears. > > > 13. > > Men and women are equal. > > Women are more emotionally mature than men. > > Women are more caring than men. > > Women are less violent than men. > > Women are less egotistical than men because they are less > dominating. > > It is wrong to think of women as slaves to fashion. A part of > them is deeper. > > Women are not victims. > > > 14. > > Everybody needs somebody to love. > > Love one another. > > Without love, there is nothing. > > Love is wonderful. > > Love conquers all. > > The world needs more love. > > A hug a day keeps the demons at bay. > > The more love, the less war. > > > 15. > > Lighten up, for heaven's sake! > > Don't take yourself seriously. > > Concentrate on the positives. > > Always look on the bright side of life. > > It is better to be entertaining than wise. > > A smile goes a long away. > > Laughter is the best medicine. > > If you can't find something pleasant to say about someone, then > say nothing at all. > > Put people at their ease. > > Never make an enemy. > > Dare to be naive. > > > 16. > > Relax. > > Take it easy. > > We are meant to be happy. > > If it feels good, do it. > > If you've got it, flaunt it. > > We can do what we want, as long as we don't hurt anyone else. > > Anything you do is right. > > Do what works. > > Don't fight it. > > Anything which feels this good can't be wrong. > > Go with the flow. > > Everything just *is*. > > Be happy. > > >-- > >Taken from the magazine "Life and Death" - a publication by the Society for >the Elimination of All Truth (SEAT.)
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