File spoon-archives/bataille.archive/bataille_1999/bataille.9903, message 45


Date: Wed, 3 Mar 1999 20:35:23 -0500 (EST)
From: Marsha Faizi <mfaizi-AT-rbnet.com>
Subject: Re: distrix of luv


Luke wrote: 

>[laughter]
>I just had to say I really enjoyed this post Marsha, I am not even sure why but
>I liked it.

Well, I am glad if you had a chuckle out of it. It was actually one of the
most sincere posts that I have ever written. I am *always* sincere, of
course, but this one had that extra-sincere ingredient. Sincerity is the
best kind of humor.

The EXCUUUUUSE ME was pure Steve Martin, obviously. But I felt it with a
venom all my own. 

I did think of you when I was writing it because you have known me on other
lists and you know just how nasty I really can be--the great controversy on
Critical-l and the near banning of me from that list. Pretty funny, if you
ask me. Just those three little words: Suck it up--the straw that broke the
camel's back. 

I do not post on Genius-l all that frequently anymore. But, recently, a
throwback from Critical came on there and attempted to chastise me for my
terrible behavior on Critical. I think that he thought the same laws of
censorship would apply on Genius as on Critical and that he could shame me
somehow. 

Fat goddamn chance.   

I think that he deserves the Faizi Pink Pussycat Shopping Bag Award. I have
been working it up. Should be completed within the next seventy two hours. 

Anyway, when I was writing the "distrix of luv" post (stole that line from
Edward, by the way), I thought of you. I thought, "See, Luke? See what
happens when I try to be nice? It backfires, that's what happens, Luke."

Some people can be nice and actually get away with it. But I can't. 

Can you understand this now, Luke? Can you begin to see my point of view? On
lists, I have been called every insulting thing imaginable--bitch, manic,
manic-depressive, depressive, paranoid, a sufferer of post menopausal
delusions of grandeur, Aunt Jemima with rabies, Ayn Rand on acid, a
moon-howler, dyke. 

So, I make this great effort at courtesy and kindness and politeness and
(big word for me here) honor. I mean, to me, honor is a very big deal. I
honored the budding romance between Stacey and Ariosto so that I made a
point of keeping my filthy mouth shut so that they could speak to each other
without interference. 
God, I am so fucking noble, I make myself sick.

I tend to forget that, in the modern world, there is no appreciation of
honor and nobility. People are just out for kicks and that's all. Nobody's
really serious around here. I am the only serious person I know. 

Hell, it's no goddamn wonder I'm paranoid. You live in a world of androids
and it's going to make you psychotic. You have to hallucinate just to stay
alive. Things are tough all over. Next thing you know, it will be a goddamn
criminal act just for bearing even a vague resemblance to a human being. 

Well, that's my cross to bear, I know. 

So, what can I say? I say: Suck it up. I do.

I am one terrifying bitch and doomed to it. 

Sic semper tyrannis, assholes. I got nothing but myself. That's enough. 

Why the fuck should I stoop to be nice to those who are unworthy of my
deference; my depravity; my nobility; my loving attention?

I should not.      

Indeed, let them eat cake.

Faizi

>As for women... and as for solitude... geez... I guess I am a total fucking
>sociopath, I am as close to a virgin without actually being one as you can get,
>I am 29 and have never had a serious girlfriend in my life, women terrify the
>absolute shit out of me! I am not ugly or stupid or lacking in confidence, just
>extremely anti-social, wrapped up in my own artistic and pseudo-intellectual
>games, with a strong desire for total personal freedom... and, er, also no good
>at small talk.

Total personal freedom is the most important thing. If I had known that when
I was your age, Luke, well, it is hard to say where I would be. My guess is
that I would be either in prison or enjoying life as a real intellectual
goddess within the "distrix of luv." My paranoia would have, by now, been
upheld and sanctioned as a money-making commodity and I could either choose
to bail out of that bullshit or to stay. At least, I would have had that choice.

I do not think, therefore, that it is an unhealthy thing for you to be
scared to death of women. As you know, it is not woman herself that is
terrifying. It is what she seeks to do to you. There are a few exceptional
women but they are just that--exceptional; and not in terms of beauty or
sensuality or cleverness but 
in terms of individuality and reverence for freedom. 

Rare, indeed.

>Ari, you well-hung sexy latino! You make me so jelous!

Is he well-hung? How do you know?

>And please, carry on being a bitch, Marsha, fuck the lot of us! [if you don't,
>who will?]

I suppose that bitchiness must be my mission in life, somehow, Luke. Given
that fact, I will give it my best shot and I am one hell of a marksman--I
could always hit center from one hundred meters and from a kneeling position. 

Dead on.

Love,
Faizi 




>
>Luke Pellen
>e-mail: luke-AT-seol.net.au
>ICQ#: 25510475
>-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>For in and out, above, about, below,
>'Tis nothing but a Magic Shadow-show
>Play'd in a Box whose Candle is the Sun,
>Round which we Phantom Figures come and go.
>
>- The Rubaiyat Of Omar Khayyam
>-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>Chaotic Pearl:  http://members.tripod.com/~vidagnosis/journal.html
>
>This random quotation was generated by SIGGEN...
>SIGGEN is an e-mail signature generator programmed by Luke Pellen
>
>
>


   

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