Date: Sun, 08 Aug 1999 02:11:06 -0400
From: marsha faizi <mfaizi-AT-rbnet.com>
Subject: Re: silence


Ariosto Raggo wrote:

>  She's nuts about me, that's obvious.

In light of what I just posted, this assertion is nothing short of hilarious.  Do
you want me to let the list die again, Ariosto?  I can do it.  Without me, the
present activity would die off in a matter of about two weeks and that estimation
takes into account my propensity for overly optimistic musings.

> Did you  read the re: archival
> memory thread? We met

Met, hell.  I fried you, you little Latin shit for brains.

> on  this list just after I posted a written
> birthday cake for  Edward last winter

How sweet.  I smashed the fucking thing.

> who  is unfortunately no longer
> with us or maybe just  sulking as Luke  says.

I guarantee he is sulking.

> And then Stacey saved
> me from her abuse.

Yes, she saved him.  He is a puppet with a death mask.



> I ignored that illness thing on purpose, maybe I
> know her better than  you, and maybe it's all true and  sincere, but
> that's one of the ways she  tries to get attention and sympathy.

It is interesting that I did not come here at all during my bout of illness.  It is
interesting that I did not come begging for sympathy then.  Thank God, I am much
better now.  I did not even test my blood until I had probably had the illness for
three or four months.  I worked every single day of my illness and I took my
children to all of their activities during that time.  When I found out that I had
the virus, I never told anyone until it was nearly past.  There were times that I.,
literally, could not make myself move about but I never told anyone.  When the
tiredness and the fevers and the sore throat began to subside, I made myself take
control again.

Do I want your goddamn sympathy? I weathered the thing entirely alone.  Do you
think, for one minute, that you are worthy of giving me your sympathy?  You are
not.  I spit on your sympathy and, from the bottom of my heart,  I wish mono on
you.

I also wish for you two children and two dead wives.

You would not survive any of it, Ariosto.  I sincerely, from my heart, wish for you
the same that I have known.


> Are
> you sure  you are not the  one that's falling for  her?

Always jealous.  He does not want me but he cannot bear to think that anyone else
would.  Typical woman.

> I gave her all
> these gifts and was weaving an interesting philosophical story with
> them but she hardly played with  them  and ignored them  in  the end.

Bullshit, Ariosto.  I gave you many gifts from my heart.  You rejected them.

> I
> was so dissapointed, it was my first attempt  at  using a shamanic
> imagination.

Shamanic imagination.  What crap.

Poor little thing.  Thank God, he was saved by Stacey.  Look at him now.  What a
mouse.  Go live in the fucking suburbs and die a suburban death, already.  You make
me sick.


> As far as being a mole and wanting information, that's not
> her interest,  she is a nurse for real, she has no need for  my kind of
> information.

I am no more a nurse than you are a cook.

Your information--so called--is nonsense.  You are a woman.  Who could want
information from a woman?  You should get pregnant and give birth, you are so full
of shit.

> And besides everyone knows I am generous with what I know,

It is easy to be generous with bullshit.

> I am happy to share it, I don't see any of  this as belonging to me, it's
> part of the conversation, that's all.

Strap on the tweed and the suede.  What a happy professor!

> Did you notice the  way she
> treated Marcus? Well, that's one the reasons she is  not  part of the
> welcoming committee.

Oh, but I am an integral part of the welcoming committee.  I welcomed you, didn't
I?  I know that pisses you off because you would like to keep things all nicely
academic and nicely benign and nicely sterile and I clearly challenge that.

Well, fat goddamn chance, motherfucker. Not as long as I am around.  Take your
hyperbole and wrap it around a Heidegger totem pole.  You want to talk like an
academic, then, fucking go to college.  I don't need that shit.  College graduates
are a dime a dozen.  If you want to talk about Plato, then, find a way to make him
real or shut your trap.

What the hell is truth to you anyway, Ariosto?  You would not recognize it if it
stepped up behind you and bit you in the ass.  You are such a phony.

> She is a tiger, I don't like tigers.

Pussy.

> Al Pacino in
> Scarface likes tigers,  that's not me.  Don't  get me wrong,  I like
> her in some ways,

He doesn't like tigers but he likes them in some ways.  The boy is a hypocrite.

The woman in Scarface was no tiger.  Tony was mistaken.  She was a coke snorting
wimp from Baltimore.  She was a cunt.  Michelle Pfieffer did a good job of
portraying that particular kind of woman.  That woman was completely vacant.

> she stimulates sometimes but  sometimes  she  is just
> wasting my time.

I force him to think.  He reckons that is a waste of his time.

> I come home from  work early today ready to think
> about that Plato quote on the body without eyes and what you were
> saying about the Universe. I was going to read Heidegger on the idea of
> a World and some Plotinus on  the One; and *look* at  this,

It is good for you, Ariosto.  You are primed for death in the suburbs.  You ought
to live that one last fling before you settle into death.  Are you ready for
children?  Children are ultimate death.

> I  have  to
> defend my lack  of human sympathy. I  can't believe  you are falling
> for her tricks.
>

It bothers you that I can dominate.  It bothers you that I do not have to stoop to
cheap tricks in order to impress those whom you want most to impress.  You can don
whatever raiment that you want and you can adorn yourself with whatever mask.

But I have seen you naked, Ariosto Raggo.

I know your vulnerability.  I know your weakness.

You cannot fool me and I will not allow you to fool John.


> So what do you think are trangresssions I despise? So you  think I am
> sincere, maybe so, I certainly write only about  what matters to me
> personally and  that's how  I take everything I read. I wouldn't take
> on something that doesn't interest me just to be polemical and argue
> against. I always try to graft onto where there is affinity with any  one
>  I  happen to encounter seeking thereby more good encounters than bad.
> There is an art to writing together and that's one of topics on this
> talking table. That's  why this list tends to have a lot of metatalk
> where the way we are interacting is as much a part of the conversation
> as any content of a subject heading. We just need a little more
> organization, that's how  i feel, but that's hard when everything tends
> to anarchy more than anything else.
>

I think that you are less than sincere.  You want to use someone like John, who has
a far greater intellect than yours, to glorify yourself and to turn this list into,
yet, another Heidegger list or another Nietzsche list or another Kierkegaard list.
You want everything as dry and as uninteresting as you can possibly make it.

John may have a strong intellect but, if that is all that he wanted, he could find
it elsewhere.  No one could come to this list seeking only the sameness of the
same.  This list has potential for uniqueness. Why do you attempt to destroy that?

It is a pity, Ariosto, and the greater pity is that people can be content with it;
that people will settle for it; that, in lieu of anything more interesting,
academic prattle will ensue while the human spirit crumbles.

Left to your devices, the real beauty of this list that existed for a short time
last winter, will die.

Therefore, you either part company with it now or you make a decision to come into
the light that is its promise.

In some ways, it is really up to you and me.

You have seen what became of it in our absence.

Rather than fight me for control, release these delusions that you hold.  If you do
not, I know that they will trouble you down the road of time.

Faizi

> I'll get back to this,
> Ariosto
>

I bet you will.