Date: Thu, 6 Mar 1997 22:47:58 +0200 (SST)
From: RICHARD PITHOUSE <pithouse-AT-pixie.udw.ac.za>
Subject: Bart Simpson



Heita from Durban

I've been lurking on this list for months and I don't recall ever making a
comment. This will probably not go down to well but if it makes one
person's day it's cool. I've alway thought that the Simpsons were more
important than a lot of the "radical" stuff which the academy churns out. 
Of course that probably says more about me than the Simpsons but what the
hell.... 

Stay Well
Richard

>
>
>>>  The opening credits of The Simpsons shows Bart Simpson writing the
>>>  same sentence over and over again on a chalkboard, the old "write it
>>>  100 times" punishment, which establishes him as a troublemaker. Each
>>>  episode is different.  Someone apparently went to the trouble
>>>  of taping all the Simpsons, watching them all and writing down what
>>>  Bart is writing on the board.  These are the collected writings of
>>>  Bart Simpson from the opening credits.  Even if you're not a fan,
>>>  you'll like these.
>>>
>>>          I will not carve gods.
>>>          I will not spank others.
>>>          I will not aim for the head.
>>>          I will not barf unless I'm sick
>>>          I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
>>>          I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
>>>          I will not conduct my own fire drills.
>>>          Funny noises are not funny.
>>>          I will not snap bras.
>>>          I will not fake seizures.
>>>          This punishment is not boring and pointless.
>>>          My name is not Dr. Death.
>>>          I will not defame New Orleans.
>>>          I will not prescribe medication.
>>>          I will not bury the new kid.
>>>          I will not teach others to fly.
>>>          I will not bring sheep to class.
>>>          A burp is not an answer.
>>>          Teacher is not a leper.
>>>          Coffee is not for kids.
>>>          I will not eat things for money.
>>>          I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
>>>          The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
>>>          I will not call the principal "spud head".
>>>          Goldfish don't bounce.
>>>          Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
>>>          No one is interested in my underpants.
>>>          I will not sell miracle cures.
>>>          I will return the seeing-eye dog.
>>>          I do not have diplomatic immunity.
>>>          I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
>>>          I will never win an emmy.
>>>          The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
>>>          All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
>>>          I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
>>>          I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
>>>          My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
>>>          I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
>>>          I am not deliciously saucy.
>>>          Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
>>>          The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
>>>          I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
>>>          There are plenty of businesses like show business.
>>>          Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
>>>          I will not waste chalk.
>>>          I will not skateboard in the halls.
>>>          Underwear should be worn on the inside.
>>>          The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
>>>          I will not torment the emotionally frail.
>
>