Subject: HAB: Fwd: Funny
Date: Fri, 08 Mar 2002 16:55:51
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<P>This was posted on Heidegger list, I thought Habermas list needed it more. So all from right and left please cheer up!</P>
<P>best regards</P>
<P>ali </P></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>======================================
<DIV></DIV>French Intellectuals to be Deployed in Afghanistan To Convince Taleban of
<DIV></DIV>Non-Existence of God
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the Allies revealed
<DIV></DIV>plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into
<DIV></DIV>the country to destroy the morale of Taleban zealots by proving the
<DIV></DIV>non-existence of God.
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or 'Black Berets', will
<DIV></DIV>be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and
<DIV></DIV>existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual
<DIV></DIV>battles fought during their long occupation of Paris's Left Bank, their
<DIV></DIV>first action will be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic
<DIV></DIV>points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk
<DIV></DIV>animatedly about the absurd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the
<DIV></DIV>universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful
<DIV></DIV>girlfriends who will further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the
<DIV></DIV>philosophers' ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to
<DIV></DIV>everyone else.
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence
<DIV></DIV>in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very intense
<DIV></DIV>and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated wildly and said,
<DIV></DIV>"The Taleban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous. There
<DIV></DIV>is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am
<DIV></DIV>talking."
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nauseating freedom
<DIV></DIV>of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of
<DIV></DIV>Alfred Hitchcock. However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn
<DIV></DIV>the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking
<DIV></DIV>from the Frenchmens' endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on
<DIV></DIV>civilians in the area.
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to the
<DIV></DIV>effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate
<DIV></DIV>his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe.
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies to
<DIV></DIV>undermine the unswerving religious fanaticism that fuels the Taleban's
<DIV></DIV>fighting spirit. Pentagon sources have recently confirmed rumours that
<DIV></DIV>America has already sent in a 200-foot-tall robot Jesus, which roams the
<DIV></DIV>Taleban front lines glowing eerily and shooting flames out of its fingers
<DIV></DIV>while saying, 'I am the way, the truth and the life, follow me or die.'
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
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