Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1999 08:14:29 -0500
Subject: Heidegger and Ideology


The simplified guide to ideology:-  

> FEUDALISM:      You have two cows.  Your lord takes some of the milk.
> 
> FASCISM:        You have two cows.  The government takes both, hires you
> to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
> 
> PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows.  Your neighbours help you take care of
> them, and you all share the milk.
> 
> APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows.  You have to take care of them, but
> the government takes all the milk.
> 
> DICTATORSHIP:   You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots
> you.
> 
> NIGERIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both and
> shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.
> 
> MILITARISM:     You have two cows.  The government takes both and drafts
> you.
> 
> SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:  You have two cows.  The government fines you for
> keeping two unlicensed farm animals
> in an apartment.
> 
> PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.  Your neighbours decide who gets the
> milk.
> 
> REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.  Your neighbours pick
someone
> to tell you who gets the milk.
> 
> AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you
> vote for it. After the election, the
> president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the
> affair "Cowgate".  The cow sues you for breach of
> contract. 
> 
> BRITISH DEMOCRACY:  You have two cows.  You feed them sheep's brains and
> they go mad. The government doesn't
> do anything.
> 
> EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY:     You have two cows.  At first the government
> regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.  Then it
pays
> you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the
> other and pours the milk down the drain.  Then it requires you to fill
out
> forms accounting for the missing cows.
> 
> CAPITALISM:     You have two cows.  You sell one and buy a bull.
> 
> HONG KONG CAPITALISM:   You have two cows.  You sell three of them to
your
> publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
> brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with
> associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
> deduction for keeping five cows.  The milk rights of six cows are
> transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company
> secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all
> seven cows' milk back to the listed company.  The annual report says that
> the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. 
> Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad feng shui.
> 
> LESBIANISM:     You have two cows.  They get married and adopt a veal
> calf.
> 
> TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows.  The government takes them and denies
> they ever existed. Milk is banned.
> 
> POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:  You are associated with (the concept of
> 'ownership' is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant
> past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
> nonspecified gender.
> 
> COUNTERCULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. You have
> *got* to have some of this milk.
> 
> SURREALISM: You have two giraffes.  The government requires you to take
> harmonica lessons.
> 
> 

Daniel



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