Date: Thu, 07 Jan 1999 10:55:16 -0800
Subject: rakahu-AT-cc.jyu.fi


> 
> The simplified guide to ideology:-
> 
> > FEUDALISM:      You have two cows.  Your lord takes some of the milk.
> >
> > FASCISM:        You have two cows.  The government takes both, hires you
> > to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
> >
> > PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows.  Your neighbours help you take care of
> > them, and you all share the milk.
> >
> > APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows.  You have to take care of them, but
> > the government takes all the milk.
> >
> > DICTATORSHIP:   You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots
> > you.
> >
> > NIGERIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both and
> > shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.
> >
> > MILITARISM:     You have two cows.  The government takes both and drafts
> > you.
> >
> > SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:  You have two cows.  The government fines you for
> > keeping two unlicensed farm animals
> > in an apartment.
> >
> > PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.  Your neighbours decide who gets the
> > milk.
> >
> > REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.  Your neighbours pick
> someone
> > to tell you who gets the milk.
> >
> > AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you
> > vote for it. After the election, the
> > president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the
> > affair "Cowgate".  The cow sues you for breach of
> > contract.
> >
> > BRITISH DEMOCRACY:  You have two cows.  You feed them sheep's brains and
> > they go mad. The government doesn't
> > do anything.
> >
> > EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY:     You have two cows.  At first the government
> > regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them.  Then it
> pays
> > you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the
> > other and pours the milk down the drain.  Then it requires you to fill
> out
> > forms accounting for the missing cows.
> >
> > CAPITALISM:     You have two cows.  You sell one and buy a bull.
> >
> > HONG KONG CAPITALISM:   You have two cows.  You sell three of them to
> your
> > publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
> > brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with
> > associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
> > deduction for keeping five cows.  The milk rights of six cows are
> > transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company
> > secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all
> > seven cows' milk back to the listed company.  The annual report says that
> > the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
> > Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad feng shui.
> >
> > LESBIANISM:     You have two cows.  They get married and adopt a veal
> > calf.
> >
> > TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows.  The government takes them and denies
> > they ever existed. Milk is banned.
> >
> > POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:  You are associated with (the concept of
> > 'ownership' is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant
> > past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
> > nonspecified gender.
> >
> > COUNTERCULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. You have
> > *got* to have some of this milk.
> >
> > SURREALISM: You have two giraffes.  The government requires you to take
> > harmonica lessons.
> >
> >
> 
> Daniel
> 
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