Date: Fri, 1 Aug 1997 16:20:56 -0400 (EDT)
From: Tracy Quan <quan-AT-panix.com>
Subject: Re: M-FEM: Queer Kids and the Sex Industry: Tough Trade


Maybe it's generational but I don't get it. These young folks sound so
babyish. By the time I was 17, I considered myself to be an adult of some
sort. So did many of my peers.

To lump "queers under 25" into one category strikes me as bizarre!  This
is so American -- At the International Conference on Prostitution, one of
the Aussie delegates (who lives in Brazil half the year) expressed
amazement at the sexual and social retardation that is taken for granted
in America. 

After reading this, I have to say I agree. I'm going to write and tell her
that it's getting *worse* -- 20 year olds are regarded as economically
vicitmized "kids."

Yes, it's sad when your parents can't accept you for who you are, but
eventually we must all grow up. Articles like this perpetuate the curious
idea that nobody should ever grow up. Disney lives! I'm disgusted.

========================================================================Tracy Quan 
e-mail:     <quan-AT-panix.com>
voice mail: (212) 969-0931



On Tue, 29 Jul 1997, Yoshie Furuhashi wrote:

> Please read this article from _Girlfriends_. Tell me what you think.
> 
> Yoshie
> 
> *************************************************
> 
> "These So-Called Lives"
> by Athena Douris
> 
> http://www.gfriends.com/feature.html
> 
> 
>  "Perhaps homophobia isn't the biggest problem faced by lesbian
>  youth. Maybe it's paying the rent."
> 
>  ATHENA DOURIS
> 
>  [Plus: Coming Out Tips for Youth (see bottom of story)]
> 
> Sex may be power, but there's nothing empowering about being homeless,
> hungry,and destitute because your parents discovered you kissing your
> girlfriend. As good as it may feel to be in love with another girl for the
> first time, the way American society is set up now, the direct consequence
> of baby dyke lust is extreme, life-threatening economic impoverishment.
> 
> Thousands of lesbian teens across the country are experiencing this
> phenomenon as we speak: according to statistics, nearly two million young
> queers who come out to their parents this year will be kicked out of their
> homes. Anecdotal evidence says, moreover, that a young lesbian who leaves
> home will drop instantaneously, to the poorest class in society-regardless
> of her ethnicity, her class background, or whether she grew up in a rural
> or urban environment. With no job skills, savings, or funds for education,
> she'll stay that way. Although support groups for lesbian youth have
> exploded across the country, what the gay community refuses to admit is
> that struggling queers under 25 don't need conscious raising if they are to
> survive-they need money.
> 
> Maxine Sedgewick, for example, didn't need any hand holding for her queer
> sensibility. She knew she was gay when she was 12 and came out to her
> family and her high school when she was 17.
> 
> "My parents were really mad that I had come out when I did," she recalls.
> "They said I should have waited until later, when I wasn't associated with
> them. They said I was in a phase, I just wanted attention, and that I
> wasn't a real lesbian. My dad wouldn't talk to me for a week after I came
> out, and then he raped me. He said I didn't love him anymore since I was
> gay."
> 
> Sedgewick moved out immediately and lived with her boss until she finished
> high school and entered college. After completing one year of college, she
> tried to return home, but feared for her safety. After living out of her
> car for a couple of weeks, Sedgewick began working as a stripper to pay for
> an apartment. She tried unsuccessfully to go back to college once.
> 
> Today, at 20, Sedgewick works as a call girl in New York. Although she
> works less and makes more money than she ever did dancing, she suffers from
> chronic depression. She dreams of going back to school again, but fears
> re-entering the mainstream.
> 
> "This profession takes a huge toll on me. I'd like to change professions,
> but now my perception of human nature is so skewed because of what I've
> done."
> 
> Unfortunately, Sedgewick's story is not an isolated case; nor is she merely
> a victim of circumstance. Sedgewick's initial homelessness, her difficulty
> finding a job that would meet her most basic needs, her decision to drop
> out of school, and her involvement in the sex industry-all of these
> experiences are economic difficulties endemic to a generation of teenage
> lesbians who dare to practice sexual self-determination in a society that
> punishes homosexuals. In fact, Sedgewick's story isn't unusual, it's
> typical.
> 
> Like Sedgewick, most gay youth's financial difficulties begin when they
> intentionally or accidentally come out to their families. Incredibly,
> according
> to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services's 1989 study, one in
> four gay and lesbian teens are forced to leave home because of a conflict
> over sexual orientation. As a result, according to a 1993 Lesbian and Gay
> Community Services Center Survey, queer kids account for over 25 percent of
> all homeless youth in America. (The estimated number of homeless youth
> varies; experts count between 450,000 to two million. That makes between
> 112,000 and 500,000 gay and lesbian homeless youth in this country.) Like
> Sedgewick, many gay youth are dropouts: nearly a third don't even make it
> through high school. And although absolutely no statistics exist for the
> number of unskilled lesbians who enter the sex industry after leaving home,
> for young gay males, the figure is a whopping 50 percent.
> 
> Because families are the principle means by which youth in our society are
> supported, a child or teen whose family stops providing for her essentially
> falls through society's cracks. Unbelievably, parents or caretakers may
> decide to withdraw their support at any time with no real threat of
> recourse from the government or their child. Whether their child is an
> abandoned minor (also known as a "throwaway") or a runaway (often a minor
> who is forced, like Sedgewick, to leave an unbearable living situation),
> caretakers are not held responsible for their child once they decide to end
> the relationship. Only the most flagrant, public neglect or abuse will
> cause a government agency to make sure a family pays for its children's
> food, clothing, and housing. Ironically, when grown adults are involved,
> money is no idle concern: husbands are forced by law to maintain their
> ex-wives at the standard of living they enjoyed before the break up, and
> women who make more money than their ex-husbands write palimony checks. But
> children and teens cut off from their providers receive no support check in
> the mail.
> 
> "A minor who attempts to become self-supporting faces discrimination in
> jobs, housing, and every other area of her or his life." writes activist
> Pat Califia in her book, Radical Sex. "[Youth] are the poorest group in our
> society ... Minors have no control over their educations, their places of
> residence, or their religious beliefs. They are routinely denied the full
> protection of the Bill of Rights and thus are subject to searches, curfews
> and other indignities
> that would be illegal if applied to any other group."
> 
> Significantly enough, in all states teens have a legal right to food,
> housing, and clothing at their parents' expense until they're 18,
> regardless if they've told their parents they're gay. However, almost no
> teens are empowered with this information. When I called, the staffers for
> the National Runaway Switchboard had never heard of such a law. After I
> told them I was a runaway gay kid, they advised me to obtain legal
> emancipation, a process that would relieve my parents of their financial
> obligations. The only other option I was given was to sue my parents for a
> divorce, but I was assured that my chances for success were close to
> non-existent, especially if I were gay.
> 
> A youth made poor as a result of coming out to her parents will also find
> little encouragement from other governmental programs. This is because
> foster care and other social assistance programs for youth are structured
> to account for a minuscule, "ideal" population. In this country, in fact,
> if every single child in foster care were queer, that would still only
> account for 19 percent of the total population of gay youth estranged from
> their parents. Furthermore, whatever the program, money is consistently
> dispersed through the hands of adults, a process that involves its own
> risks.
> 
> Even teens who aren't shown the street when they come out to their parents
> fear other, serious, economic repercussions from their families.
> 
> "My father already suspects [I'm gay]" says Nicole Trivoli, who grew up in
> a lower-middle class family in Florida. "Once he knows, I know he'll stop
> supporting me and refuse to pay for college. But the more I think about it,
> the more I want to come out before I leave high school. And I will
> definitely be out in college. I'll just pay my own way through college.
> I'll work and take out a loan."
> 
> Similarly, when 17-year old Alice Williams was a sophomore, her parents
> stopped paying her college tuition to protest their daughter's admission
> that she'd had a girlfriend for the past two years. Williams is still in
> college, but she works two jobs, worries about money "constantly," and her
> lack of funds will force her to extend her education by a semester.
> 
> Self-sufficiency is even more difficult for gay teens who never make it to
> college or a trade school. Wages for uneducated, unskilled workers-who
> labor primarily in the service sector-are woefully disproportionate to a
> self-supporting teen's basic needs. Unfortunately, as a result of the often
> lethally homophobic atmosphere tacitly condoned by most school systems,
> nearly a third of lesbian students drop out before they even finish high
> school, an act which circumvents their options for both higher education
> and, perhaps more importantly, any chance for earning a living wage.
> 
> Many gay children and teens drop out of school because of the flagrant
> abuse they receive at the hands of their peers. Any connection to queers is
> grounds for attack: Ryan Estes, a 12-year-old who attends Woodland Junior
> High in Fayetteville, Arkansas, doesn't consider herself a lesbian, but was
> targeted by classmates because her mothers do. Since she was 10, classmates
> have called Estes "queer," "lesbo," "slut," and "whore"; hit her in the
> head and back; pulled her hair; written sexual epithets on her notebooks
> and locker; slammed her fingers in lockers and in doors; and strangled her
> to the point of losing consciousness. Once her peers threw her down on the
> playground and mock-raped her while making anti-gay slurs. According to
> Estes, the teachers present on each occasion refuse to intercede on Estes's
> behalf. On one occasion specifically, after a teacher observed five girls
> attack Estes, wrap her in a parachute, and repeatedly kick her head and
> back while shouting "lesbo," Estes herself was reprimanded.
> 
> In spite of this treatment, Estes intends to remain in school, attend
> college, and become a paleontologist. "They can do everything but kill me,
> and it's not gonna stop me [from graduating high school]," Estes told an
> audience at a meeting for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays in a
> neighboring town. "And if they kill me, they kill me."
> 
> Estes's desire to stay in school are a testament to her bravery and heroic
> will. Her decision will also have concrete economic repercussions. If Estes
> makes it through high school only, statistics predict that she'll earn 40
> percent less than if she graduates from college. If she doesn't, the gap in
> wages is even more dramatic.
> 
> Whether gay kids drop out of school because they experience harassment at
> school, or because they come out to their parents and are forced to leave
> home, the meager job opportunities brought upon by an unfinished education
> have repercussions besides the most obvious side effect of joblessness and
> subsequent poverty. The rates of gay and lesbian suicide are astounding:
> gay male youths are over 13 times more likely to commit suicide than their
> peers, and young lesbians are twice as likely to commit suicide as were
> heterosexual females. These rates are usually attributed to low self esteem
> and paralyzing struggles over sexual identity. But the real culprit may be
> severe economic impoverishment. Unfortunately, no significant contributions
> towards an understanding of lesbian teen suicide have been made since the
> 1980s, and no existing suicide studies have incorporated young lesbian's
> economic woes into the equation. However, specialists cite financial
> difficulties as either a "chronic state or participating factor" in the
> backgrounds of up to 62 percent of adult men who commit suicide.
> 
> High suicide rates, significant drop-out rates, homelessness, economic
> insecurity, and the lack of a social support system-none of these problems
> are specific only to young lesbians. Rather, these experiences are a direct
> result of two things: a homophobic society's hatred of queer youth and the
> lesbian community's failure to address the impoverishment of young lesbians
> as a specifically lesbian issue. Social devaluation of young dykes comes as
> no shock. But why haven't adult lesbians targeted young lesbians as an "at
> risk" population in need of economic advocacy and assistance?
> 
> The lesbian community has largely neglected queer teens for several
> reasons. First, thanks to an inaccurate but pervasive association between
> homosexuality and pedophilia, gay and lesbian adults often hesitate to
> offer support, provide resources, or otherwise assist queer and questioning
> youth. Adult lesbians, in short, fear being targeted themselves a
> "recruiter." Secondly, a young lesbian's financial difficulties are often
> seen as her own peculiar problem, rather than the result of a child-rearing
> system that disciplines all "offenders" with the firm hand of economic
> deprivation.
> 
> A third reason is the belief that only biological families can provide such
> intimate means of support as money. Unfortunately, this view romanticizes
> family relations to the detriment of young dykes. Biological families make
> runaways and throwaways out of their children at an alarming rate,
> especially when sexual orientation is involved. Families aren't sacred;
> they're most young lesbians' principle means of support. Money, in this
> case, is about power, not intimacy. There's nothing intimate about setting
> up food and shelter programs for 2 million young lesbians. Money is
> essential for survival and well being in our society, and teenage dykes
> need access to it, regardless of the embarrassment or taboo surrounding a
> conscious redistribution of wealth.
> 
> The question is, how?
> 
> "There aren't a lot of ways for people to contribute to the well being of
> youth in general." says Rey Carey, Director of the National Youth Advocacy
> Coalition, "There are simply very few mechanisms through which older
> lesbians can support younger lesbians."
> 
> Although the vehicles may not be there just yet, young lesbians have a long
> wish list: shelters; vocational training; financial counseling; safe,
> low-income or subsidized housing for teens; and scholarships and financial
> aid at trade schools, colleges, and graduate programs. The first step for
> the gay movement may be creating a system that would guarantee children
> some accessibility to their parents' or caretakers' wage in the case of
> inadequate support. The next step may be facilitating the process through
> which a teen must to in order declare herself independent. In many states,
> the family courts literally enforce heterosexuality by reserving marriage
> as the only alternative to active military duty for a teen who wishes to be
> liberated from her parents. According to the guidelines at many colleges,
> unless a girl is 24 or married, she must undergo psychiatric evaluation to
> be deemed independent of her parents and thus eligible for financial aid.
> Undeniably, adult lesbians must work to create jobs for teens that offer a
> living wage.
> 
> Of course, before any of these things can happen, lesbians need to
> recognize that the precursor to all sexual determination is money-and
> enough of it.
> 
> "I had a girlfriend before I left home," says June Sweeny, a high school
> graduate who left home in her teens and now supports herself. "but I never
> really felt sexual. That didn't happen until I had moved out, and started
> paying for my own place."
> 
>   
> 
>  Coming Out Under Fire
> 
>  BY RUTH BURKE
> 
>   
> 
> One in four kids is tossed out of the home after she or he comes out. If
> you've decided to tell your parents you are gay, wait a few minutes before
> you broadcast the news. Or, in case you are discovered by hostile parents,
> take some time to prepare. What happens if you're told it's time to look
> for new living quarters? Pay your own bills? Here's how to prepare yourself:
> 
>   
> 
>  1. Are you old enough (18 in most states) to be on your own, legally?
> 
>  2. If you're under 18, is there a family member or friend to whom your
> parents will transfer custody? If you are not legally emancipated, you may
> be put into a foster home or returned to your parents by the police. Call
> your local family court to ask about petitioning for legal emancipation.
> You'll need money for the fees.
> 
>  3. If you're a minor, you cannot legally sign a lease. Do you have
> somewhere to live until you turn 18? Can you live with a relative, a
> friend's parents, or a trusted lesbian friend? Is there a boarding school,
> covenant house, or shelter to which you can live while you finish high
> school? (Be aware that many battered women's shelters cannot provide
> services to women under 18.)
> 
>  4. Do you have a job that will support you? If you're in high school, will
> you have to drop out to find one? If you are a college student under 24,
> unsupported by your parents but not legally emancipated, you may have to
> have an evaluation by a school psychiatrist to qualify for financial aid.
> They're usually free. If your relatives can't loan you money, can they get
> you anything else, such as a bus pass, a bike, a job lead, or temporary
> employment?
> 
>  4. What are your salable skills? Get a nursing assistant license or learn
> how to wait tables-there are always openings in these jobs. You can always
> study for something better later on.
> 
>  5. Will your parents physically assault you? If so, you may want to out
> yourself at a public place, like a restaurant. If a parent is abusive, you
> should keep your new address a secret. If your parents are sympathetic, you
> can connect them with their local chapter of PFLAG, Parents and Friends of
> Lesbians and Gays.
> 
>  6. Open a bank account and make sure your parents don't know which bank is
> yours. (Many banks will allow parents access to their children's accounts,
> so play it safe). Get an ATM card so you always have access to cash. Until
> you leave for good, keep a backpack with you that includes some clothing,
> reasured photos, your social security card, driver's license, bank records,
> tax records, and your address book.
> 
>  7. Arrange transportation. If you need to leave, can you walk to a bus
> stop, call a cab, call a friend? Will a shelter pick you up? (Rural areas
> are often outside the jurisdiction of such programs, so call and see if
> they'll make an exception.)
> 
>  8. Think twice before taking off to New York City, San Francisco, or West
> Hollywood. These places are expensive. Jobs that pay minimum wage are
> scarce, and sex work may be the only occupation available to the unskilled.
> Remember, homosexuals are everywhere.
> 
>  9. Don't give up on God-or the Goddess. Look up queer religious groups in
> your affiliation: Dignity (Catholic), Kinship (Seventh-Day Adventist),
> Affirmation (one group by this name is Mormon, another is Methodist),
> Integrity (Methodist), and the Metropolitan Community Church are there to
> help you. The Unitarian Universalist Church is also lesbian friendly.
> 
>  10. Avoid self-destructive habits such as drinking, doing drugs, or
> smoking. You need all your wits about you! And remember that just because
> you know you're gay, doesn't mean you have to try out the equipment right
> away. Wait instead until Ms. Right-or at least Ms. Better-comes along.
> You're still a lesbian even if you haven't made it with a chick!
> 
> 
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