Date: Fri, 28 Feb 1997 18:39:24 GMT
Subject: M-G: I Cent. A.D Rome: Barrabasians claim "New Christianity"


ROME: I Century A.D -Crimes of Christians under Apostle Peter denounced by
followers of Barrabas

Disciples of a famous "good thief" once released by Pontius Pilate instead
of being crucified alongside the founder of the Christian sect met today in
Conclave in Rome in order to "re-launch the Christian religion" which has
lately being accussed loudly and widely by Emperors Nero, Caligula and the
most important philosophers, demagogues and all sorts of scribes working for
the means of communications of the empire of "crimes against humanity",
"destruction of the Roman empire and the Roman religion".

Leo Davidovich Barrabas, was a man who once he underwent conversion, he
became a member of the central committee of the Apostles Cenacle at the time
of the Resurection.  Shortly afterwards, he nevertheless had a fall out with
the Chistian leadership when, to his personal chagrin, fisherman J.V.
(Peter) Dugashvili - a man who had been with Jesus from day one while
Barrabas himself had been his ideological enemy for many years - was named
as leader after the founder went to the Right Hand of his Father.  This was
something Barrabas and his plucky band of pharisee followers never could
stomach although for many decades they alleged to "give critical support" to
the Church in the face of its pagan enemies.

Spokes-persons for the Barrabasian tendency, Hiereticus Maussolus Leviticus
and Davidus Begodious Troskinantus agreed the following pronouncement:

"Since our divine Emperors have established that the apostle Peter is a
terrible criminal and every slave we have talked to in their palaces and
pleasure baths is most definitely agreed that they want nothing to do with
Christianity if it means having to abandon their "democratic orgiastic
principles", the music of great Nero, the larguesse of Caligula, and the
good crumbs from the table of the divine Claudius Clintonius, or the good
graces of the great Mecenas Australianus Murdochious Blairus who, together
with Sunius-Telegraphus-Timeos-Guardianos-Mirrorious and the BBC
(Britannicus Broadcasting Corporatius) are the real arbiters of what is in
and what is out in our glorious Rome, we the undersigned, direct disciples
of the true Christ - the real leader of Christianity - Leo Davidovich
Barrabas - appeal for a New Christianism which would be acceptable to the
pampered slaves of the Imperial capital".


The super-publicists in charge of the new-image launch for Chistianity
continued:

"We proclaim that the Church of Peter is not the true Church and that
everything our emperors say about it is absolute the Gospel truth in more
ways than we can bend over backwards in order to suck-up to our powerful
Lords and masters.  We also join in wholeheartedly in our imperial Majesties
condemnation of the followers of Peter - the Stalinus - as criminals and
throroughly awful and un-Roman people who if they came again to power
anywhere, it would be an awful set back to the "good and obedient slave
movement", a movement of over-fed and over pampered slaves and eunuchs of
this gracious court - who although they can hardly stand up from their
tricicliniums due to their overstuffed state - our masters pay us to defend
and promote as if it was the real slave movement against the pagan slave
owners and our glorious Empire". 

"It is only when the slaves who are closer to the throne and who eat from
our gracious emperors hands become Barrabasian Christians that freedom will
be possible.  No one is going to follow the criminal Peter or his successors
anymore after everyone has witnessed how they burnt down Rome - as his
gracious Majesty Nero who never killed a fly has demonstrated beyond doubt
and the rest of the empire establishment has fully endorsed to our complete
satisfaction".

And the wise acres concluded:

"The only way to bring about Chistianity is to forget and renege of that
odious Peter and proclaim that Barrabas was really the true saviour. We are
sure that not even in two thousand years time will the slaves ever want
anything to do with the Peter followers and that their reputation as
criminals will - as our emperors have decreed - last for ever.  The future
is called Barrabasism"!

Long live the true Crucified:  Leo Davidovich Barrabas!

Central Committee of the Barrabasian Apostles

Bobus Malekius, Yugus Rodvelius, Davidius Begodious, Hiereticus Maussolus
Leviticus, Bobius Eschapius, Shanius, Zaremkius et ales assius kissioticus
bourgesorum!

Rome Februarius 0097,
A reportum by Observatorem Adolfus Analiticus 
 
POSTSCRIPTUM: (very appropiate here)

Anno Domini 0101. Perugina, Italia Majoris.

"Peter Christian" partisans - advancing against Rome - seize power and
arrest half a dozen fat eunuchs from the Barrabasian party of renegade
pro-imperial "Chistians" and throw them into the ergastula "Gulagius
Maximus" for the crime of slanderers at the service of the Pagan emperors. 

In Rome, the Barrabasian spokesmen, Begodius and Leviticus demanded that the
emperor Clintonius sends troops to suppress the "genocide" of the
Stalinistorum Peter Chistians against the eunuchs.  They are "starving them
to death" they claimed. They are only feeding twice as much as we used to
feed the poor.  The outraged spokespeople of Barrabasism called for an
immediate imperial punitive expedition!


 



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