Date: Tue, 02 Dec 1997 23:23:36 -0600
From: Brad Suspicious <suspicious-AT-airmail.net>
To: legcjtd-AT-LUSTA.LATROBE.EDU.AU
CC: anarchy-list-AT-cwi.nl
Subject: Re: A couple of old lightbulb jokes.


These are grouped by subject:

*Authoritarian communists:

How many Maoists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to smash the old one and another to declare, "no watching! this
lightbulb is property of the state!"

How many white collar dogmatic Marxist-Leninists does it take to change
a
light bulb?
That's a contradiction in terms--white collar workers can't be
proletarians,
therefore can't be Marxist-Leninists, that's clearly a sign of petty
bourgeois revisionism!

How many Trotskyists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but they'll SWEAR the light glows brighter than if a Stalinist
had changed it.

How many Che Guevaras does it take to change a light bulb?
"At the risk of sounding ridiculous, I have to say that true light bulb
changers
are guided by intense feelings of love."

*British anarchists:

How many members of Chumbawamba does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it doesn't really matter since the music press will
inevitably
give them a bad review anyway.

How many members of the Class War Federation does it take to change a
broken 
light bulb? 
Broken light bulb? the Class War Federation? Those bloody bastards
must've plotted it! 

How many King Arthurs does it take to change a light bulb?
King Arthur: "I am Arthur, king of the Britons! The lady of the lake
rose from the waters and tossed me a light bulb, that it may be placed
in the holy socket!"
Anarcho-syndicalist #1: "What the bloody hell? Some wet tart isn't no
basis for civil light bullb changing! We know how you _really_ got that
light bulb in place! By exploiting the working class!"
Anarcho-syndicalist #2: "There you go again, bleating on about class!"
Anarcho-syndicalist #1: "But class it what it's all about!"
King Arthur: "I am your leader!"
Anarcho-syndicalist #1: "Oh, did you see that? He's oppressin' me!"
(okay, this joke really isn't funny if you haven't seen "Monty Python
and the Holy Grail")

*Bakuninists/Proudhonists

How many Bakuninists does it take to change a light bulb?
(first possible answer): One, but only because the material
circumstances of
mankind suggest that there was no supernatural lightmaker to "let there
be light."
Being a jealous lover of human darkness, I reverse the statement of
Voltaire and say: If a supernatural light maker really existed, it would
be necessary to abolish him.
If a supernatural light maker is, man is not; if a supernatural light
maker is everything, man is nothing. 
(second possible answer): Two. One to change the light bulb and another
to demand
that workers take direct control of the means of production, without
state representation, which has up to this point enslaved and degraded
mankind.
(third possible answer): One, but he must be Slavic--the inability to
form a strong
government in Slavic history is proof that the Slavs are innately free
people, whereas
the Germanic people are inherently autocratic.

How many Proudhonists does it take to change a lightbulb?
(first possible answer): One, but under the Roman-law definition of
things, "lighting is theft."
(second possible answer): Three: One to change the lightbulb, another to
declare that all lightbulb changers must be equal and another to say
that there are "inferior races of lightbulb changers" and that female
light bulb changers do not deserve the same equality as male light bulb
changers.

Okay, okay..I'm blathering on.......

Brad......



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