Date: Wed, 10 Dec 1997 17:11:39 -0500
From: Louis Proyect <lnp3-AT-columbia.edu>
Subject: Re: M-I: Plague panic


Heartfield:

>But the prophets of doom are in no mood to take comfort from the
>achievements of science. Instead of making realistic assessments they
>revel in worst case scenarios. 'How many disease-carrying reservoir and
>vector species are there in the rain forest?', Garrett asks the ant
>expert and sociobiologist EO Wilson. Replying more in the manner of a
>mystic guru than an entomologist, Wilson tells her that this is 'unknown
>and unknowable: the scale of the unknown is simply too vast to even
>permit speculation'.

Now wait a second. There are all sorts of scientifical factors that have to
taken into account when talking about plagues. I saw this TV show the other
night that said that Mount Pinatubo was spewing out more sulfur dioxide
than comes out of a cow's tushy in a year. It has been well established
that cow flatulence produces more sulfur dioxide in turn than all the rest
of the animal kingdom put together, including all the tigers and kangaroos
in Africa. Which reminds me, did you ever see the Tarzan movie when he uses
two alligators as water skis while a hippotamus pulls him down a river?

Some gloom mongers, who are in the habit of reading Heidegger while
listening to Mahler, insist that sulfur dioxide explains not only the
spread of AIDS but global warming as well. It releases free radicals or
something like that. This is utter pish-posh. (Those free radicals can be a
big pain as the ass, not nowhere as bad as the libertarians but you know
about that...)

The real truth is much truer than anybody ever really knew, a certain Dr.
Mulligitawny, who is an award-winning chiropractor,  has told Living
Marxism, Real TV and Entertainment Tonight. He reveals that sulfur dioxide
could be put to good use as a growth stimulant for the livestock industry.
He knows somebody who used to live in Madagascar who swears on a Jewish
bible that after pumping sulfur dioxide into the mouths of his prize pigs
while giving them plutonium suppositories, they grew like the dickens. Not
only were the pigs the largest he'd ever seen, the bacon shined in the dark
which is great for romantic candle-lit dinners. You don't want to lose
track of what you're eating.

Louis Proyect



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