Date: Sat, 25 Nov 1995 05:46:11 -0800 (PST)
From: Kelly Lute <ndanger-AT-rahul.net>
Subject: [SubG] EMERGENCY SLACK RESTORING STORY


This funny story is placed here in an EMERGENCY ATTEMPT to restore
slack to the list.  Sit back in your ArmChairs(C) and absorb.  Sorry
about the all caps.  I got it that way.  Lighten up, or this could
be you!

JAN. 10  IT'S STARTING TO SNOW. THE FIRST OF THE SEASON AND THE FIRST    
WE'VE SEEN IN YEARS.THE WIFE AND I TOOK OUR HOT BUTTERED RUMS AND SAT BY 
THE PICTURE WINDOW, WATCHING THE SOFT FLAKES DRIFT DOWN, CLINGING TO THE 
TREES AND COVERING THE GROUND.IT WAS BREATHTAKING.                       
                                                                         
JAN. 11 WE AWOKE TO A LOVELY BLANKET OF CRYSTAL WHITE SNOW COVERING THE  
LANDSCAPE. WHAT A FANTASTIC SITE. EVERY TREE AND SHRUB WAS COVERED WITH A
BEAUTIFUL MANTLE. I SHOVELED SNOW FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS AND LOVED  
IT. I DID THE DRIVEWAY AND OUR SIDEWALK. LATER, A CITY SNOWPLOW CAME AND 
ACCIDENTALY COVERED UP OUR DRIVEWAY WITH COMPACTED SNOW FROM THE STREET. 
THE DRIVER SMILED AND WAVED. I WAVED BACK AND SHOVELED IT AGAIN.         
                                                                         
JAN. 12 IT SNOWED AN ADDITIONAL 5 INCHES LAST NIGHT AND THE TEMPERATURE  
DROPPED TO AROUND 11 DEGREES. SEVERAL LIMBS ON THE TREES AND SHRUBS      
SNAPPED DUE TO THE WEIGHT OF THE SNOW. I SHOVELED OUR DRIVEWAY AGAIN.    
SHORTLY AFTERWARDS THE SNOWPLOW CAME BY AND DID HIS TRICK AGAIN. MUCH    
OF THE SNOW IS NOW BROWNISH-GREY.                                        
                                                                         
JAN. 13 WARMED UP ENOUGH DURING THE DAY TO CREATE SOME SLUSH WHICH SOON  
BECAME ICE WHEN THE TEMPERATURE DROPPED AGAIN. BOUGHT SNOW TIRES FOR BOTH
CARS. FELL ON MY ASS IN THE DRIVEWAY. WENT TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM BUT     
NOTHING WAS BROKE. MORE SNOW AND ICE EXPECTED.                            
                                                                          
JAN. 14 STILL COLD TODAY. SOLD WIFE'S CAR AND BOUGHT A 4X4 IN ORDER TO    
GET HER TO WORK. SLID INTO A GUARDRAIL AND DID CONSIDERABLE DAMAGE TO THE 
FRONT RIGHT QUARTER PANEL. HAD ANOTHER 8 INCHES OF WHITE SHIT LAST NIGHT. 
BOTH VEHICLES ARE COVERED WITH SALT AND CRUD. MORE SHOVELING IN STORE FOR 
ME. THAT GODDAMN SNOWPLOW CAME BY TWICE TODAY.                            
                                                                          
JAN. 15 2 DEGREES AT NOON TODAY. MORE FUCKING SNOW. NOT A TREE OR SHRUB   
ON OUR PROPERTY THAT HASN'T BEEN DAMAGED. POWER WAS OFF MOST OF THE NIGHT 
. TRIED TO KEEP FROM FREEZING TO DEATH WITH CANDLES AND KEROSENE HEATERS, 
WHICH TIPPED OVER AND NEARLY BURNED THE HOUSE DOWN. I MANAGED TO PUT THE  
FLAMES OUT BUT SUFFERED 2ND DEGREE BURNS ON BOTH MY HANDS AND LOST ALL MY 
EYELASHES AND EYEBROWS. CAR SLID ON ICE ON WAY TO EMERGENCY ROOM AND WAS  
TOTALED.                                                                  
                                                                          
JAN. 16 GODDAMN, MOTHER FUCKING WHITE SHIT KEEPS FALLING! HAVE TO PUT ON  
ALL THE CLOTHES WE OWN JUST TO GET TO THE FUCKING MAILBOX TO FIND OUT     
THAT ASSHOLE MAILMAN DIDN'T COME. IF I EVER CATCH THE SON-OF-A-BITCH THAT 
DRIVES THAT FUCKING SNOWPLOW, I'LL CHEW OPEN HIS CHEST AND RIP OUT HIS    
HEART. POWER STILL OFF. TOILET FROZE SOLID AND CRACKED AND PART OF THE    
ROOF HAS STARTED TO CAVE IN.                                              
                                                                          
JAN. 17 6 MORE GODDAMN INCHES OF FUCKING SNOW AND FUCKING ICE AND FUCKING 
SLEET AND GOD KNOWS WHAT OTHER KINDS OF FUCKING WHITE SHIT FELL LAST      
NIGHT. I WOUNDED THE SNOWPLOW ASSHOLE WITH A FUCKING ICE PICK, BUT HE GOT 
AWAY. WIFE LEFT ME. CAR WON'T START. I THINK I'M GOING SNOW BLIND.        
I CAN'T MOVE MY TOES. HAVEN'T SEEN THE SUN IN WEEKS. MORE SNOW IS PREDIC- 
TED. WIND CHILL IS 22 BELOW FUCKING ZERO....MOVING BACK TO CALIFORNIA!!!! 


 ******************************AREA 51!***********************************
*    Mr. Kelly Lute     *    Revel in the strangeness of my webpage at    *
* Reverend Doktor Chunk *     http://www.rahul.net/ndanger/index.html     *
*   ndanger-AT-rahul.net   *   FEATURING "THE EROS SPACE GALLERY" and more!  *
 ******************************AREA 51!***********************************
        X-ray Delta One to Mission Control - Transmission Concluded  



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