Date: Mon, 8 Apr 1996 13:34:11 -0500
Subject: Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?


Voltaire: I disagree with its decision, but will defend to the death its
right to do so.

Rousseau: Its individual will opposed crossing the road, but it did so
naturally and rightly in accord with the general will of chickendom.

William Bennett: The prevailing ethos of moral relativism in our society
has led to a crisis of values. Quite simply, no one ever told the chicken
it was just plain wrong to cross the road.

James Finn Garner (author of Politically Correct Bedtime Stories): We have
no right to question the actions of an altitudinally-challenged avian
persun, nor of any other persun, for that matter.

Ayn Rand: Free of any obligation to consider the effect of its actions on
any other chicken, it made the decision to maximize its own self-interest.

Galileo: I now recant my earlier testimony. In accord with the doctrine of
Holy Mother Church, I see now that in fact the road crossed the chicken ...
(sotto voce) and yet the chicken moves...

Bohr: Since I had my eyes closed the entire time, in fact it is not true
either that the chicken crossed the road or that the chicken did not cross
the road.

Clinton: I can't say that crossing the road or not crossing it was
necessarily the right thing to do, and I can't say what I would have done
in its circumstances, but I feel the chicken's pain.

Johnny Cochran: Because it was sick and tired of living in a racist society.

O.J. Simpson: The chicken was falsely accused and I will be putting forth
all my effort to discover who really crossed the road.

Chomsky: It is now clear that every chicken is born with a built-in
road-crossing complex of astounding intricacy.

William Jennings Bryan: Well, I'm willing to concede that the chicken's
crossing the road may be meant only in a metaphorical sense.

Reagan: I suspect that that one little chicken, in the act of crossing the
road, emitted more pollution than all of America's cars put together do in
a year.

Hugh Rodwell: The important thing is that this act will soon inspire a
worldwide uprising of chickens.

Gayatri Spivak: The chicken cannot speak. When it empowers itself by the
fundamentally discursive act of crossing the road, it is no longer a
chicken. The chicken cannot speak. (translated into English)

E.P. Thompson: When viewed at any one instant of time, it is not
discernible as a chicken. Only when one looks at the totality of all its
historical relationships does its structure as a chicken begin to emerge.
Before doing this it is impossible to meaningfully address the question of
why it crossed the road.

Rahul





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