Date: Fri, 20 Sep 1996 08:46:35 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: LISA'S OBITUARY


I have been unable to react properly to Lisa's passing, since,
until this morning, it seemed like an unfathomable abstraction  to
me.  At most I could muster a feeling of dread, which means one
anticipates but cannot fully accept that the worst has happened.
Last night, after I barked at some stranger blocking my exit from
a bookstore, I began to feel depressed, but even then, my
emotional reaction was limited.  Only this morning, when reading
the obituary uploaded to the marxism2 list, did the reality of
Lisa's death sink in.  I began to gag and almost spit up on my
computer screen.  Then, after re-reading the obituary offline, I
cried for the first time.  It was like a knife through my heart.
In this context, I am unwilling to participate in complaints about
the omission of her politics from the obit.  Instead, I would like
to put that omission into a more meaningful context.

Lisa grew up in an extremely reactionary Mormon environment.  She
went against many of the conventions of society.  I am not going
to discuss all of those publicly.  She rejected religion and
became an atheist, but that didn't stop her family from arranging
a church funeral service.  One of the reasons for Lisa's addiction
to cybercommunication was the lack of intellectual stimulation in
her local environment.  She was insatiable for intellectual input.
She had many many interests, some of which are listed in the obit,
and she spent an awful lot of time away from home, going to folk
dance classes, coffeehouses, etc.  Her husband, who is,
incidentally, one of the very few African-Americans in Utah and a
very nice man (I'm told), did not share many of her interests.  It
is hardly surprising that Lisa's political activism and Internet
activities were omitted from her obituary, which, we must presume,
was placed by a close family member.

The obit lists her "survivors" in the conventional fashion.  It
omits a truth that society does not acknowledge: that blood is NOT
thicker than water, that one's closest relatives may be clueless
about their loved one's inner life, that one's chosen friends may
have a more intimate understanding of someone than that person's
parents, siblings, and in some cases, even spouses.  Not just
Lisa's politics, but we -- we are excluded.  The survivors listed
are not the only survivors: I am a survivor, Jerry is a survivor,
Chris is a survivor, Malgosia is a survivor, and marxism on spoons
is a survivor.  The immediate family may never know, but the fact
is: some of us are as devastated by the loss of Lisa as any family
member.  Society is not organized to recognize this truth.  Jerry,
isn't that what really hurts?


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