From: lambdac-AT-globalserve.net
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1998 19:04:18 -0500
Subject: *Flash*!  Official Flame Counter


Bulletin: FEAR MOUNTS AS CALLIHAN IS APPREHENDED! 

Source: Marketeer & Rackets Inc

Sources close to Nietzsche at Jefferson, are today reporting that the
disheveled poet SE Callihan has been arraigned on charges of fraudulent
accounting procedures.  One Lambda C is alleging gross negligence and
fudging in the data officially tabulated by accountant Callihan: "It's a
scandal, a wanton disregard for the facts, a shameless deflation of our
figures!" The complaint was formally registered by Chief Inspector
Tootles, fully energized despite his abortive attempt to apprehend
Lesseps C in August of last year.  "We are confident that, if the
accused is found to have consistently manipulated the numbers, we will
have a case", he later commented.

Lambda C adamantly maintains that the figures will speak for
themselves.  Though it started late and is yet to arrive, it claims to
have logged on a stunning 110 plus messages (a long way from the paltry
22 suggested by the arraigned's numbers) since July 1, while the
inebriated Dyurea runs a second close with 90.  The accused, who has
consistently denied any part whatsoever in what is becoming known as the
July Spam Wars, runs a distant third, only a scarce two or three spams
ahead of blooming jessie and special agent ME double-0-seven-and-a-half,
at 37.  

Boos from the Nietzschean peanut gallery showered the complainants
outside the Halls of Knowledge, when Lambda C's counsel bluntly stated:
"My clients are intractable people without a shred of humour.  Mr.
Callihan should be well warned that they have even threatened to begin
rewriting all of their posts again, to prove some obscure point about
the eternal recurrence of the same, if he does not cease and desist this
defamatory behavior!"

Mr. Callihan, who we understand is currently being held in an Amish Safe
House could not be reached for comment.  We have been informed he is
shunning all calls having to do with the Lambda Couch matter.


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