From: "Paul Smith" <smithpe-AT-flash.net>
Subject: PLC: Re: la Phil-Lit
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 1997 07:06:13 -0800


Pat,

I have no idea where you came up with some of your ideas about me, but they
can't possibly have come from reading carefully the postings which I have
made to this listserv.

I don't think I ever indicated a strong desire to get back on Phil-lit.  At
most, I indicated that if they were willing to take me back, I would
probably resubscribe.  I think I also noted that major changes in the
moderatorial policy would have to take place.

I don't believe I ever needed nor wanted you or anyone else to make my case
for me to Andreas.  Andreas was doing a good enough job trying to convince
his co-moderators to let me back on, and I believe the new restructuring was
the icing on the cake.

I don't think I ever indicated that my lifetime ban from Phil-lit was all my
fault.  In fact, I hold Myers responsible for a large portion of what
happened to me.  However, I am willing to admit that I did certain things
that definitely did not help my case.  Nothing really terrible or deserving
of what happened, yet they were things that I had been warned about by
Myers.  My point in all this was that Myers and myself were both at fault.

I did not do my cause great damage by writing about this here.  In fact,
Andreas told me he forwarded my posts about whether or not I was simply the
victim to Myers and after this Myers gave in.  It also troubles me that you
see things in terms of "us vs them", "good vs bad", and "the enemy".

I also am not trying to go where I am not wanted.  I am not wanted on
Phil-lit by one person that I am aware of.  Other than that, I don't think
anyone minds my coming back.  In fact, I received a rather warm welcome back
message from Denis, and Andreas has worked very hard to get Myers to agree
with everyone else that the time has come for reinstatement.

Also, I have not spent three years trying to get back on Phil-lit.  I did
resubscribe under another name at one point, just to see what types of
things were going on, and found the ability to post messages too seductive,
and went ahead.  This hardly means spending three years of my life in some
troubled effort to get back onto Phil-lit.  The only thing that made me
reapply at this point was when I had heard that Andreas was the new
moderator, someone whom I had pleasant memories of from my first stint on
Phil-lit.

When you go into the ridiculous psychoanalysis of me toward the end of your
posting I have no idea how to respond to this.  The idea that you could so
thoroughly pretend to see through someone's inner motives and desires via a
few contacts on this medium is... disturbing.  I'll simply say that you are
very, very wrong.

I also do not understand your mean-spirited sarcasm about me wanting to be
back on Phil-lit, and yet still remain here.  Does this have to be an
either/or, us vs them type of thing, no matter how much Phil-lit changes?
Or maybe in some strange way you need this conflict, and are deathly afraid
to let go.  Is this what is giving your life meaning?  How do you like being
psychoanalyzed?

I don't think I"ve ever "run off at the mouth" about how much happier I'd be
at Phil-lit, and I apologize if I offended anyone by simply wondering how
the changes at Phil-lit would affect this list (if at all).  Part of my
statement, if you would go back and re-read it correctly, indicated that I
thought there might not be any effect on this listserv.  I believe I've
never indicated anything but gratitude for this listserv, and I still feel
exactly the same way.

Pat, I really didn't know how to respond to your posting.  I believe that
you are a good person, but that you are way, way, way too caught up in this
thing.  You read all sorts of things into my postings that were never there,
or even suggested.  You trashed me as some kind of immature, obsessive,
egotist, just as stubborn as Myers.  This all shocks me, as I never meant
anything but good to come out of my postings regarding Phil-lit, and this
all began as an effort on my part *to move things away from the discussion
of Phil-lit*.  Perhaps I failed deeply and made a mistake by getting
involved.  But I hardly think I deserve the type of treatment that you have
afforded me.

Paul Smith
smithpe-AT-flash.net



     --- from list phillitcrit-AT-lists.village.virginia.edu ---