From: jcharles-AT-computer.org
Date: Fri, 07 Jul 95 10:20:14 est
Subject: Re[2]: you might well ask


     Zia wrote: 
     
     I would however, be able to/enjoy kicking around some of the issues 
     this whole thing has raised, including my own somewhat self-righteous 
     (imperious?) reaction to the very concept of Western men seeking out 
     disenfranchised women from other countries/cultures (did somebody say 
     "instant power imbalance"?).
     
     
     My pathetic wretch of an Uncle did this very thing. What's interesting 
     is that they seem to get along. They began a correspondence via mail, 
     sending letters and pictures, until they decided to get hitched. I 
     don't have any more details because my uncle and I seldom communicate. 
     I found out that he did this when I found out that he was getting 
     married.
     
     Despite how problematic this kind of thing is on several levels, Inna 
     (my new Russian Aunt) seems rather happy. There are clearly power 
     imbalances, but she holds her own very well within the relationship. 
     She is not submissive and passive, she speaks her mind. My point is, 
     this relationship is not entirely exploitive. She left a country she 
     expressly wanted to leave. She was grossly underemployed and 
     unhappy--she had a degree in forestry but worked in a lumber yard. She 
     now has a child, which she wanted, who in her mind will have many 
     opportunities that she didn't have. She is in the process of becoming 
     a citizen, so no matter what happens with my Uncle she won't have to 
     go back. In short, this woman acted consciously and with purpose. She 
     is an agent, not an object. There is no stipulation that if you agree 
     to this situation you have to be a slave. She is taking a big chance, 
     but no marriage is without risk and her eyes are open.
     
     Thus, while I don't want to do this sort of thing myself, not all of 
     the women involved are entirely subject. Most of us in America are 
     privileged compared to people in other countries. It may be an option 
     we would choose also if we were in a different situation.
     
     jc
     
     
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