Date: Mon, 10 Jul 1995 21:15:23 -0400 (EDT)
From: Zia  Isola <zisola-AT-mailbox.syr.edu>
Subject: Re: Re[2]: you might well ask/wretched uncles




	jc wrote:

  >      
>      My pathetic wretch of an Uncle did this very thing. What's interesting 
>      is that they seem to get along. They began a correspondence via mail, 
>      sending letters and pictures, until they decided to get hitched. I 
>      don't have any more details because my uncle and I seldom communicate. 
	<snip

I guess my question would be not "can such arrangements work?" as much 
as "why do they seem to be the most readily available option for women 
who want to leave a country?" 
>      
>      Despite how problematic this kind of thing is on several levels, Inna 
>      (my new Russian Aunt) seems rather happy. There are clearly power 
>      imbalances, but she holds her own very well within the relationship. 
>      She is not submissive and passive, she speaks her mind. My point is, 
>      this relationship is not entirely exploitive. She left a country she 
>      expressly wanted to leave. She was grossly underemployed and 
>      unhappy--she had a degree in forestry but worked in a lumber yard. 
	<snip>    
	 In short, this woman acted consciously and with purpose. She 
>      is an agent, not an object. 

I don't know that what agency she managed to exercise neutralizes her 
objectification.
>      
>      Thus, while I don't want to do this sort of thing myself, not all of 
>      the women involved are entirely subject. Most of us in America are 
>      privileged compared to people in other countries. It may be an option 
>      we would choose also if we were in a different situation.

Not all, not entirely.  I agree.  If...maybe... can't say I wouldn't.  
I appreciate the questions your aunt/uncle's situation raises for me, 
because this issue has prompted some strong emotional reactions on my 
part and I find it difficult to clearly think through all aspects of 
an arguement when I get this way.  Yes, I think just about anything's 
legitimate between consenting adults, especially when the particulars 
and material reality are negotiated with mutual respect.  I also don't 
have a problem with lonely people finding companionship where they can 
or politically/economically trapped people finding ways out where they 
can.  As you pointed out, marriage is often an arrangement, usually a 
gamble, and the best anyone can do is go in with eyes open.  It's just 
annoying (aggravating, alarming, distressing) to me that a "blind" marriage 
is, in the late 20th century, *still* one of the most viable options for women who 
(apparently) have marketable skills beyond companion/mother.

I guess it comes down to two main points of contention for me:1) why do 
these guys always find themselves sending for women from countries with 
depressed economies (i.e., how come nobody's trying to strike up a penpal 
relationship with women in Canada, Israel or etc?) 2) I can't quite 
shake the feeling that Annonymous David wasn't using the list as a 
billboard to post an ad for what is, in fact, (perhaps) an exploitive 
enterprise (albeit couched in very "peace" loving and sentimental 
rhetoric). If he really only wants to help people, why isn't he creating 
a job bulletin?

> --Zia
> 
> 
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