Date: Mon, 7 Oct 1996 10:45:56 -0700 (PDT)
From: Lakshmi Gopinathan Nair <lnair-AT-uclink2.berkeley.edu>
Subject: Re: gossip


Yes, I think leaving "home," (wherever that may be)  makes a big
difference.  You have somewhat more freedom to "choose" your own friends
and acquaintances.  But leaving home is a luxury for most.  I think that
"here" a lot of people take how close (physically and psychologically)
their children stick to "home" as a sign of emotional closeness and family
strength.  But unfortunately, I know of so many people (personally and
through gossip!) who feel forced to live "double lives."  Though my mother
may disagree, I feel closer to her now that I am able to be honest (for
the most part) with her about my life, even when it contradicts her wishes
or values.  I know so many people who just go along with their parents
wishes (about career choices, marriage choices, etc.) just because it is
easier to keep the peace--to avoid creating ripples.  I'll admit it may be
easier in the short term, but it definitely seems harder to be happy when
you didn't make the (hard) effort to think through your life choices for
yourself.  I've had to go through some tough times with my mother--a lot
of fighting, crying, mutual pain.  I still go through it, but I think it
is worth it.  It doesn't mean we are not as close as those families who
appear to sail smoothly.  On the contrary, I think we are on a path
towards mutual understanding and respect.  (I hope!) It is so hard not to
fear losing something in the process--security, primarily.  There is a lot
less security in going "off the beaten track."  There are times when I
wonder if it's worth it.  But I take heart when meeting fellow travelers.
Particularly, I think there is a lot to learn from "coming out" stories,
no matter what your rebellions are.

...whoa, ok, enough rambling.  What were we talking about....gossip?

On Mon, 7 Oct 1996, bhaatasari wrote:

> Don't apologise, Connie, this may make a good discussion!
> 
> I think the effects of gossip - for me - were worse in India than here,
> but that may be becuase overhere, i can opt to stay away from
> all that - to a certain extent. In India, since I am from within that
> society, it was hardr to stay away...
> 
> more later,
> 
> Radhika
> 
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