Date: Mon, 14 Jul 1997 19:51:04 -0500 (CDT)
Subject: Re: "Aquestion of balance"


Dear Alpana,

Your post inspired a poem...nothing earth-shattering, just a sharing of 
a little of myself, my dreams, my memories.  I had the good fortune to 
have parents who doted on me, their only child...became my friends as I 
grew up, and treated me with the respect due an adult woman.  They are 
gone now for many years, and I can never forget their love.  But I know 
of that terrible phenomenon in India of the unwanted girl child.  I've 
just been fortunate in my parents, and know many of my girl cousins who 
have enjoyed the same adoration.  I've been UNfortunate in not having 
had the joy of motherhood...that is a sadness I must acknowledge to 
myself.

My Children
-----------
My loves are many.

The baby in my mind's eye
wears a mop of curls
like a halo, her hands
reach for mine trusting
I will not let go
of our dreams.

The father can hardly bear
the gut-wrenching cries of his little girl
nearly steps off the train eyes tearing from smoke
to the five-year-old's
"Don't go! Don't go!"
grateful that her separation
will be a faint memory
in hopes of catching the humming bird
in her grandmother's flowering garden.

The Goddess Mother protects 
her charges, the delicate mind,
and the flower in bloom.

And my First and Only Love
without whom nothing.

     ***

Manjusree Sen, 7/14/97
 


You wrote: 
>
>After "slumbering" for a long time--roughly since my baby girl was 
born
>in June 1996--I awoke to Radhika's request to share experiences of
>juggling personal and professional lives. Please read on only if 
you're
>interested in the topic because the topic has sparked my interest in a
>way that may seem to make me ramble. . .
>Unfortunately I don't have the outlet of poetry, though reading and
>cooking have been serving me well as a kind of release from all the
>pressures. But I am still reeling from the amount of work involved in
>being a full-time mother while holding down a full-time job teaching.
>Fall 1996 was spent pumping milk between classes--at least I had my 
own
>office!--then rushing to daycare and rushing home. I came up for 
tenure
>the same semester and had to complete a few writing deadlines. Now
>things are better although extra teaching this summer has taken its 
own
>toll. I don't seem to have any time off.
>It helped to hear Toni Morrison (I played a video of her interview w/
>Bill Moyers in one of my classes last week) talk about how she felt 
her
>children asked of her things no one else did, that she was the only 
one
>who could provide these needs, that they looked to her to be the kind 
of
>person she deep down really wanted to be. I feel the same way abt my
>baby girl, esp. having myself experienced all of the lack of care and
>attention typically given to unwanted girl babies in India.
>Incidentally, this is another thread I'd like to hear people talk 
about
>maybe from their personal experience--the neglect of girl children. 
>Thanks for getting me to think aloud about these things, Radhika!
>Alpana Knippling
>  
>bhaatasari wrote:
>> 
>> note: this is not even a pretense of a poem;-)
>> _______
>> 
>> This summer has been pretty "intense" for me (more than usual - and 
i
>> thought *that* wasn't possible:-)) in various personal/professional
>> whatever ways - different trajectories coming together - perhaps - 
in
>> vaious ways - results of my direct and indirect actions and 
decisions
>> these past 16years... but my intention in this post is not to 
discuss that
>> - at least not explicitly (i'm sure some of you have read some of 
this in
>> my so-called poetry - broken sentences - whatever- to both 
sa-cyborgs
>> and women-writing-culture).
>