Date: Sat, 23 Aug 1997 16:43:10 -0500 (CDT)
Subject: abhimaan


Hi,

Something I wrote a while back regarding my feelings of "exile," mixed 
with abhimaan towards India...I've submitted this to KALA magazine for 
publication in October.  I'd love feedback (and it is "finished," as of 
my submission for publication)  :)  !

-Manjusree

ABHIMAAN
--------
Yesterday's India,
I remember you.

Inexplicable, daunting exile
clutches at culture not mine.
Inner flashes grope for meaning:
Three blind men define Elephant.

The edges of my mind
flanked by Hindu myths
grasp life-shaping images.
Devout Prahlad cannot save an Unbeliever 
devoured by a raging, ravaging Lion
God's alter ego fastens its teeth 
tearing at flesh.
The Unbeliever is Prahlad's father.

The disciple cobra refuses to even hiss
and bleedingly succumbs to stones and rocks 
and his guru's musing
"Yes, remain nonviolent, but surely 
you can stand up for your rights?"

Hinduism molds me.
I question what I see,
hasten after what I cannot.
I defer to greatness reduced to ashes.

Desperate pounding rhythms
distanced from days filled
with anguished cries caught
between reality and dreams
give no succor to the heart.

Heart beats rival
perilous rhythms,
desolate measures
of silent depths.

(Unfinished...August 1994) 
Manjusree Sen (c), Cambridge, Massachusetts
Dedicated to my parents, the late 
Sri Hari Keshab Sen and Srimati Kanika Sen