Date: Sat, 18 Oct 1997 07:20:36 -0400 (EDT) From: Cyberdiva <radhik-AT-bgnet.bgsu.edu> Subject: this morning this morning, my thoughts my emotions threatened to explode out of my nightly dreams so i let myself wake was it the Cixous i fell asleep reading? was it the Chandra who i repeatedly played as i worked was it the woman who was once physically a man was it my state of being alone or after so many years, being once-again in touch with a close, close friend/sister over-the-seas or not wanting to think of an adolescence i am missing seeing in text...and hearing as a voice... or was it... the woman who was once a man the person with a brilliant mind who is being watched by audiences in the academy and yet modem butterfly here in cyberspace is as unreal or real as ever perhaps for me s/he was the wo/man who performs on stage the emotions of Satyabhama but for many of the rest was a per formance of post modernity trans- gender if you want and i indulge my thought/emotion and fancy as if i had the luxury of wallowing in... melancholia perhaps like the consumptive male poets "romantic" yet i must do other things fix that bad address thingy on the poco list (but that too is my luxury - my "for-my-self" chore that asked to do - it may never get me tenure, nor clean my apartment or the one 5 hours away) so the useful things i could be doing this morning in stead re-write that article - send it in for publication work on that multimedia project (that's your *job* dammit) prepare and re-prepare for the defense brood over the 14 year-old's homework and try to call them again and try to make my presence felt prepare and re-prepare for that defense as Sheila translates for me with her music as Deirdre translates for me with her life's performance/reality as Cixous translates for me theory to poetry yet i am none of these. (or go to the gym and burn off some more calories, be the ideal woman!) yet i am none of these... nethi nethi nethi not this not this not this if you want to know if i am or even if u don't care what i am - or not i am not that _____________________________ Radhika Gajjala (Multimedia and the Internet) Dept of Telecommunications 316B West Hall Bowling Green State University, Bowling Green OH 43403 (419) 372-0528 ______________________________ http://ernie.bgsu.edu/~radhik _______________________________
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