Date: Tue, 27 Jan 1998 13:00:11 -0500 (EST)


>From a deep
pain
	comes a deep

contentment

	not 
just the appearance

		agnipareeksha

		mana agnipareeksha

out of the flames

we emerged

		both of us from totally different directions

these past ten years

		but we emerged
to allow the wounds to heal
to let them 
be

		knowing that to want something so
badly
		hurts

but
to let the pain go


settle

is far harder

that is indeed the test of fire

		you in your own way
		i in mine

even from two totally different
contexts
(yet so similar in the way we walk through fire
the way we negotiate 
fire

the way we walk out and examine our burns

in peace 
in acceptance
in an acceptance that allows us
to share

to give

permits us the luxury of generosity

an acceptance that refuses to accept

in despair

an acceptance that gives us the strength to rush against the waves
the force of the wind on our faces

exhileration

from knowing that to want it too strongly
is misery

let go of the want that made us think like victims
and predators

we
never will be
victims
		or predators

a promise we made to ourselves in the silence of the fury around us
25 years ago, or earlier.

We are soulmates in ways beyond
siblings

beyond friendship
beyond love and kindness

		you are not my niece
		i am not your aunt

we are soulmates

too deep for social relationship
for blood kinship

		we have shed blood
and watched those closest to us shed it



		and sworn
in silence

that we will not want 

in despair

		the despair of wanting
material and emotion

makes people victims

makes people make victims of others

	we think we know the answer...

but for how long?

	meanwhile this center of peace and calm is something
	we must treasure

to go back to 

when the clutter in our minds
returns....


			as Sita sank into the
Earth
Urmila awoke from her deep meditation
of doing

and showed her

the mirror

the mirror that gave
Sita
the courage to go back and make a difference


that Surpanaka is a part of
all
of us

that to become Surpanaka
is 
sometimes
an option

		what did Urmila's mirror
in Sita's eyes say?

		the mirror cannot see itself
so i cannot say...

but the moment of clarity was there

i shall treasure this gift

forever

even when the clutter that you spoke of

returns

the clutter in both our minds
returns

	...

we shall collect these moments of peace and place them in a precious
place

hoping that the pieces of peace
will eventually

		envelope the clutter

		this peace is our own special space.

our gift to each other
perhaps...


		we can afford to be generous after all.