Date: 	Tue, 3 Sep 2002 12:35:11 -0500
From: owner-sa-cyborgs-AT-lists.village.virginia.edu (by way of radhika_gajjala)


From: "annapurna" <annapurna-AT-cyberdiva.org>
To: <sa-cyborgs-AT-lists.village.virginia.edu>
References: <5.1.1.6.0.20020903063814.00bb93a8-AT-pop.cyberdiva.org>
Subject: Re:
Date: Tue, 3 Sep 2002 21:39:54 +0530


we were waiting to hear
knowing that the news could only be bad
even in her grief

she said
'cook enough rice for all of us'
in a rush to get it done
because once the bad news came
the fires in the kitchen would be put out

she wouldnt eat
till the cooking got done
as if putting it off would put off the dreaded phone
while i waited for her to eat
before i told her what i knew
  and so time passed

everytime the phone rang
she started...
'is it done then' she would ask in a voice full of fear

i would say
have a bite,
have a sip..you need it to be able to take what will come

while she waited not eating
as if that would keep the bad news
at bay...

in the end i had to tell her
i can see still her flinging away
the vessel she held in her hand
i couldnt protect her
it wasnt about telling her or not,
it was about what happened to her
what she lost
that day........



>  it is not the centipede's confusion this time
>  the centipede was young
>  unsure
>
>
>  the confusion is less unsure this time
>
>  it is more a sure sadness
>
>  that the honesty must be timed
>
>                                   cheshire cats and madhatter may be unreal
>
>                                           they may not be what they seem
>
>  but for the time being they are
>
>  alice's source of information
>    s/he relies on this negotiated trust
>
>                           the queen of hearts must wait a while
>
>
>  but this is not the centipede
>  not in a ditch
>
>  waiting to tell some secrets
>  wondering when
>
>  but  knowing the secrets must be told
>  and will
>
>  for generations should not repeat
>  cycles
>  cycles
>  cycles...
>
>
>                                   there is much that has to be retrieved
>  from the pieces of memory embedded in the untold....
>
>
>
>  At 06:33 AM 9/3/2002 -0400, you wrote:
>  >From: "annapurna" <annapurna-AT-cyberdiva.org>
>  >To: <sa-cyborgs-AT-lists.village.virginia.edu>
>  >References: <5.1.1.6.0.20020902173807.0240cf78-AT-pop.cyberdiva.org>
>  >Subject: Re: digging out hearts....
>  >Date: Tue, 3 Sep 2002 09:52:22 +0530
>  >
>  >like the centipede again
>  >paralysed
>  >wondering which leg moved first
>  >
>  >making me feel
>  >like the grasshopper that asked
>  >the fatal question
>  >
>  >even as black and white blur and merge
>  >dont we teach our children
>  >in voices filled with dire warning
>  >and relentless threat
>  >'dont tell lies'
>  >
>  >[and to that i add
>  >'dont lie to me']
>  >
>  >not as an adult telling secrets
>  >sometimes you have to be the child
>  >who has to tell the truth...
>  >
>  >
>  >
>  > > I have dug out hearts
>  > >
>  > > my children's
>  > >
>  > > all my babies as I watch them grow older....
>  > >
>  > > not knowing what secrets to reveal
>  > >
>  > > and in revealing which heart i may
>  > >
>  > > break
>  > >
>  > > irretrievably
>  > >
>  > > made silent
>  > >
>  > > agonizing over the complexities
>  > >
>  > > that are so simple
>  > > to them
>  > >
>  > > and straightforward as anger or pleasure
>  > >
>  > > as black or white
>  > >
>  > > how do i tell them what secrets i know
>  > > that black was once white
>  > >
>  > > white was at times devious
>  > >
>  > > this intricate living on the edge that has trained me to hear and see
>  > > what
>  > > so few seem to acknowledge
>  > >
>  > > i am ever confused
>  > >
>  > > as ever confused
>  > >
>  > > when should i tell them these secrets
>  > > and
>  > >
>  > > risk breaking their faith
>  > > their hearts
>  > >
>  > >                          yet in the not telling who am i betraying
>  > >                          but them....
>  > >
>  > > again and again complicit with an adult world that watches in jaded
>  > > amusement as these children stumble and trip
>  > >
>  > > is it so wrong to reach out and give them a helping hand
>  > >
>  > > do i even know how?
>  > >
>  > >                  what right do i have to know these secrets
>  > >                          or to keep them
>  > >                                  or to tell them....
>  > >
>  > >
>  > > or do i just think i know
>  > >
>  > > perhaps it is they who are keeping the secret
>  > > to protect me....
>  > >
>  > >
>  > >
>  > >
>  > > _______________________
>  > > http://www.cyberdiva.org
>  > >
>  > >
>  > >
>  > >
>  >
>
>
>
>