File spoon-archives/sa-cyborgs.archive/sa-cyborgs_2002/sa-cyborgs.0210, message 4


Date: Tue, 22 Oct 2002 17:53:28 -0400
From: radhika gajjala <radhika-AT-cyberdiva.org>
Subject: 


yes

it is the 23rd tomorrow

         (for you it already is today....)

another year has passed

and I am

still

in emotional limbo - will not accept ...

if i saw him last in cyberspace - last heard his voice through the machine...

is this where I will find him?

haunting

always haunting me

                         as i haunt him...

through your words - through my own reflection - my greying hair and aging 
face...

as his old friends' (all gone) children see him in my face with startled 
recognition

                                         this will not cease ...

as I am him as my fingers threaten to ache....

as I was him

the living must live with memories of not having fulfilled

the dreams of those that have passed

                                         this is the curse we live
                                                         indeed the curse 
he too lived...?

         as from distances the news reached him one day....

                 this is my trishanku swargam

I will find him in the moment between dawn and sunrise
between sunset and dusk.

                                 in cyberspace

he has been cremated

by me

his ashes are strewn in my words

                         dust unto dust
                                 bytes unto vapor...

                                                         this is my meditation
                                                         this is my penance....


i must mark it in this non-space.

Radhika Gajjala

_______________________
http://www.cyberdiva.org



   

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