Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 17:55:35 -0500
Subject: 


Conversations from the Other Side
__________________________________

why do you listen to her
she'll tell you its ok to leave your babies

                         [[who *me* ? did you forget the struggles I faced 
and choices I did not want to make - and the choices I did not have? ]]

and go out to 'fulfil' yourself

                         [[ who *me*? "fulfilling" was not an option - why 
do you rewrite my story as "fulfillment" - when all I am doing is surviving ]]

im old i need help too
                         [[who *me*? but I cannot sacrifice your life for 
my old age....
I have seen that happen too often]]

i cant do for you what her mother did for her
                         [[who *me*? I dont want to do what his mother did 
for him]]

dont make me a failure
again

dont make me a failure
again

dont make me a failure
again



                                 driving down I-75 I told her she had no choice
                                         it was not about fulfillment
                                                 it was about survival
as she and I renewed our relationship
as from her memories she told me of a
younger
more dreamy
me
as she began to realize the pain behind my harshness and insistence

                                                 waiting to make a perfect home

                                                         a "perfect home"

                                                                 was not an 
option

you have no choice i said
but to fight for yourself
through compromise and negotiation

                                         she looked at me and saw an older 
woman
                                                         no longer the 
young woman she imagined her to be



that is the voice of privilege
i said on the phone
shouting to you
i could never have afforded to *choose*

can you?
plan i said to you
plan to move on...
without fulfillment you are not alive
i said
                         the children will grow up and forget
                                 i said
                                         they will be fine

but if you dont start this now
you will have even fewer choices
i said


to be a mother at home

after travelling to these lands

                                 borders, survival...

                                         letting him go
                                                         i cannot do to him 
what your parents did to you
i shouted to him...

look at you i said
look at us
i said
we survived
                 maybe

                         but i cannot do what they did to you
                                 so i have no choice
                                         i must do what i do

                                                 i have no choice if we 
must make a life for him

going out to fulfill myself is not an option

but is this what they say of me now?

                 i wonder as the younger generation of women knowing not 
the histories
for they are not told
strategically
hidden from conscious memories

                         thinking they have choices

who *me*

dont make me a failure
again

dont make me a failure
again

dont make me a failure
again

dont make me a failure
again




                                 wondering what that family of women is 
saying now - the family of women that i am always a part of
                                         wondering what those very strong 
women are saying to their sons
                                                 wondering if they can help 
me talk to a young man
                                                                 this 
family of very strong women....

in my head you all talk
conversations from the other side...

living in my heart.




At 05:15 PM 12/10/2002 -0500, you wrote:
>From: "annapurna" <annapurna-AT-cyberdiva.org>
>To: <sa-cyborgs-AT-lists.village.virginia.edu>
>References: <5.1.1.6.0.20021209060502.02209db8-AT-pop.cyberdiva.org>
>Subject: Re:
>Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 09:22:52 +0530
>
>conversations in a family of women:
>
>why do you listen to her
>she'll tell you its ok to leave your babies
>and go out to 'fulfil' yourself
>im old i need help too
>i cant do for you what her mother did for her
>dont make me a failure
>again
>
>

Radhika Gajjala

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