Date: Fri, 09 May 2003 16:45:11 -0400
Subject: 


but now I do not know the question

and I did not hear his answer

in the dream I understood the dream I dreamt in my dream....
i did not need to hear him read the letters to me to know the answer

the answer was in the letter i did not hear him read in the dream that i 
dreamt in my dream....

                                         [[my mother's mother
                                                 she lived till about my 
age they say
                                                         i wonder what she 
was like...


how do i articulate a question i do not know i am trying to ask

how will i hear the answer
in which form
which space?

                                 perhaps I have invent my own answers

                                         yetagainyetagainyetagain
re-inventing myself again...

At 12:04 PM 5/9/2003 -0400, you wrote:
>they say that inbetween waking and sleep
>                                                         [[i donned her 
> earrings
>at dawn
>
>the dreams you remember
>                                                                 [[the 
> only real thing of hers that she ever touched
>my grandmother
>they come true
>
>                         i remember the dream
>
>it was a dream of a dream, i realized when i finally awoke
>
>but how can it come 
>true?                                               [[i have her forehead 
>they used to say
>
>                                 he is no longer anywhere on earth
>
>in the dream he read from letters
>in the dream that the dream dreamt, he was telling me where to find those 
>letters
>
>and in the dream that the dream dreamt i knew what i was looking for that 
>he gave me the answers to
>
>what was he helping me decode my awake self now wonders because i really 
>was not look for any scripts - certainly not asking him i know...
> 
>[the only real thing of hers i have
>in the dream that the dream happened in,
>
>[there was such clarity in that dream that i woke from  the dream into 
>before i woke up and wondered why i dreamt that dream and what the secret 
>he was revealing to me was....to a question i had not posed in awakening - 
>or did i? do i remember when i was awake long ago - years ago what 
>questions i asked him - is he returning to tell me where i can find the 
>scripts i was then asking for?]
>
>i found the answers in the letters he had hidden away
>
>do you know if there are any letters he has hidden away?
>
>                                                         [i did not have 
> the courage to look throught the dusty files that he had not hidden away 
> when i came that last time]
>
>  as i spoke to you
>
>on the telephone that day
>
>                         you told me she told you the story
>                                 they must have told me the story in 
> different ways when i was small
>
>                                 but her voice emerges in different ways 
> revealing secrets
>
>articulating
>
>                         woven
>
>in ways i have not heard before
>
>is it because she has not told them before or
>because
>in my listening to his voice(s) i did not hear her speak
>
>                                         what stories dont you know about me
>                                         why have i not bothered to tell them
>
>have you ever asked me why you dont always hear what i say
>only sometimes when i say it over again you hear me this time - aha - you 
>say....
>
>
>in the dream that i dreamt of - was he revealing to me where my 
>grand-mother's inheritance lay?
>
>what script was he decoding for me and why?
>
>
>
>
>Radhika Gajjala
>
>_______________________
>http://www.cyberdiva.org
>

Radhika Gajjala

_______________________
http://www.cyberdiva.org