File spoon-archives/seminar-13.archive/south-asian-women_1995-1996/seminar-13.nov95-mar96, message 35

Date: Thu, 30 Nov 1995 08:39:23 -0500 (EST)
Subject: home?
To: seminar-13-AT-jefferson.village.Virginia.EDU

<<< As Chandra Mohanty and Biddy Martin have suggested "home" is a category 
that, especially for women, is extremely problematic; for diasporic communities,
in particular, a multiply *placed* and multiply *linked* subjectivity is 
also constructed.>>>>

- Inderpal Grewal in "Autobiographic Subjects, Diasporic Locations: 
*Meatless Days* and *Borderlands*" - ch. 11 of "Scattered Hegemonies" eds 
Grewal and Kaplan. Univ of Minnesota Press (1994).


"Are you visiting home
this winter?"

yes... (home... "home" and *home*)

yes, i'm visiting "India" (this time - not merely in my dreams).

"where in India is your home?"

er um.. Hyderabad? (home? or "home")

but um... Bhopal too - i guess ... ("home" - definitely "home"... but
there is nostalgia for "home" too - i lived there, even loved there
- through pain and happiness. frustration and victory. i grew there - 
into a woman - but is it my home? will i ever think of it as anything but 
"Home"? maybe, maybe not - but it was home to my child too)

home? "home" and then this home in Pittsburgh - where "I" exist.

At home I/i was - sometimes, and at "home" - i was, more often - in silence.

here *I* am and *i* am too - but not always...

I/i am falling to pieces over home and "home".

daughters who are brought up by the most "liberal" of parents - told that 
home is not home - we are guests who will "go away" to their "own" "homes"

my last name was/is never "mine"...

now they want me home and "home" too.... share me like a piece of pie. 
while my son cries out that he is only "one"...

but I/i need to be back here - home - so that *I* can exist again.

For a while then - perhaps - i will erase my "Self" for the comfort and
trauma of being home and "home".
perhaps i will erase myself for the satisfaction of those who gave birth to
and for those that did not.

but i want to go home.
i am obliged to go "home" too.

these are my son's heritage. 

perhaps i should not interfere with his
but i already have -

by my very existence.



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