From: Celinec-AT-aol.com
Date: Wed, 18 Sep 1996 23:44:02 -0400
Subject: ancestral dialogues


Frank,

It has taken me days to figure out how to answer you. Of course
like the most difficult questions the answer always shows up
staring one in the face.

When I speak, when I write, I try to tell my truth, at least my
truth of the moment, at most what can be revealed through the
foundations of language. So I will try to put this as straight
and honestly as possible and avoid the pitfalls that Pierre is
always rightfully reprimanding us about.

My main problem has been this blind rage that mounts me every
time I read your posts. It sets me on a path that cares about
nothing but tearing everything you have erected to shreds. It
doesn't care if I do it stupidly or wittily, it just wants me to
do it.   

For what is between us is much denser than a mirror. If it was
simply this we could break it and our illusions along with it.
 
But as I said, when I first read you, I fell into a fury so
overwhelming that I lost all sense (some may argue here that I
never had any). But regardless, I had to read your posts over and
over again and even then though I found many things I disagreed
with I could not understand why I boiled so. If you were in front
of me at these times I might have pulled your head off.

And now after much contemplation I see that what I was consumed
with was ancestral rage. All those poor Russian peasants pounding
on my head. Dear child, they screamed, don't you hear what this
man is saying? The same old lines that we fell for, the same old
revolutions we died for. For Pierre was correct, I was not born
in a lie dream but a liar's dream. 

So i see you Frank as an incarnation of  primary enemy to
everything I have ever in the endless humanity of man held dear.

You actually had the nerve to say that the American Revolution is
more inspiring to you than a great work of art?  The American
Revolution was just a stupid war that in the end meant nothing!
Do you understand what is happening here in this land of the
free? Well I'll tell you. We are already in a massive civil war
that is so cruel and devastating because it is being carried on
so underhandedly. And things will only get worse and many will
die like trash and none of this will bring a bit of change, only
death death and more death. And this is why I can't stand your
talk of social revolutions. And this is what I am talking about I
am not just talking about the normal human misery, I am talking
about a massive machine that is crushing everything human in its
wake. 

And then you say that you see a "dangerous tendency" towards art
without politics.
I don't know what world you're living in but the one I'm in has
already passed the danger mark and not in the direction you speak
of. This is what I mean when I say the world is dead. And I don't
mean classical art, I mean all the humanities, I mean everything
that is done in the spirit of creation, in the form of life, has
been flattened into the ground like caterpillars before they can
even dream of transformation.  Was it not a fellow scientist,
Schrodinger I believe, who predicted that this would be
remembered not as the technological age but as the age of the
decay of the arts?    
  
I wish you'd talk about your science, Frank. Fuck politics. It is
a exhausted thing.

No my pain is not caused by lurking in the dark, as you have
remarked, but from daring to look too long into the brightest of
lights. My pain comes from this love of life you talk about as if
you own it. You see you are not the only one that sees poetry in
life. Shit am I writing on a toilet stall where everyone is to
busy farting to really think about what I mean?  

Can't you see the hypocrisies here? I am the one who advocates
murder as art, who sees the ugliness of this world, who cannot
hear the laughter, life etc at my doorstep, so you say.  You are
the one who claims to see the "poetry" in life and yet you are
enthralled with glorious blood baths and mind games. Your
attitude is a healthy one for sure but it is the pink glow of the
bully.   

See I only introduced murder as art to throw all this talk of
morals out the window so it can blow around like the hot air
balloon it is. Because I would rather see it done in that spirit
than as it is used today. I would rather see everything turned on
its head than see us continue down this same bloodied path. No,
if you had seriously considered my fiction you would see that in
every thing I write is that thought that yes, we must recognize
the miracle ofe life, we are beings who have forgotten how truly
miraculous we are and instead have grovelled with the pigs in the
mud and the slime. Why do you keep accusing me of this. Perhaps
you are looking in a mirror?

You claim to be so self satisfied? So why are you calling for a
revolution. Or is this just part of the adventure? 

Yes, I see a revolution coming, a revolution of the spirit. One
where every person is free to create, not for profit or gain, but
as a ritual that worships not god or country or genius or even
art, but life. Perhaps like my own version of Nietzsche's free
spirits but with a more open attitude to the occult in
everything. Where there are no restrictions, where there are no
power games, no intellectual bullying, no academic bullshit, no
money games, but simply an intelligent study and appreciation of
life. But this will never be reached by the same old bloody wars,
nor through what has become staid academics, nor through any of
the institutions that stand today. 

Now please, don't ask me to talk about literature and my favorite
authors.  

Celine